When Life Goes in a New Direction

Imagine my surprise on returning from Thailand to find a  phone message from the Assistant Producer of ITV News. She wanted to talk to me about my Airbnb experiences.  They’d found one of my Preloved Life posts on Google.

You can read that original post here which describes my first nightmare Airbnb guest's and their Sex and Haribo adventures.

I must say that experience almost put me off Airbnb entirely and my plan before flying to South East Asia was to take down my Preloved Life website. I felt it had served its purpose and that it was time to move on.

But I ran out of time, preparing a long haul trip is always frantic. Because ITV News was interested in my story I decided maybe others might too, so I’ve decided to keep my site active. That ITV News phone call has changed the direction of my life.

After a telephone interview with India, the Assistant Producer, a date was fixed for the film crew to visit my home. It was Wednesday last week when Emma, the Producer and India her cameraman and assistant arrived at my place. The equipment they brought with them was staggering, the biggest camera I’ve ever seen, tripod stands with tree trunk size legs and LED lights so bright you could light up a football stadium.

The film crew was with me for 6 hours. I couldn’t imagine why it would take that long but it did. First, my living room was transformed into a studio so that a full 30-minute interview under those bright lights could be filmed. Next up the producers organised cutaway footage of me making beds. I’ve never had to make and remake a bed 10 times. The cameraman moved around the attic filming every imaginable angle including closeup hand shots of me smoothing the sheets!

The hours of film will be edited and condensed down to a 4 minute ITV News news story to be aired on Thursday 30th January 2020, highlighting the growing Airbnb economy, including both the positives and negatives of Airbnb hosting.

I was surprised the crew wanted to come with me to Ipswich Community Radio Station. I have a weekly show broadcasting live from 1.00 pm every Wednesday. It’s like the BBC Desert Island Discs show, one guest and 4 songs. My guest was Neil Greenwood from Morning Gloryville, he was delighted to get extra publicity for his sober raves company. 

It was all action at the studio, they filmed the sound checks, the mixing desk and my interview with Neil. You can listen to the replay here on Mixcloud.

I’ve been an Airbnb host for 2 years now but I also provide Airbnb Experiences. For 2 hours you can come shopping with me around my favourite local charity shops. The film crew was keen to join me on a trip to one of my favourite charity shops, St Elizabeth’s Hospice Charity Shop, Holywells Road. It was a flying visit, I had to walk in, browse the racks of clothes and look at myself in the mirror, not once but many times. Filming is a painstaking process! I’m so delighted St Elizabeths Hospice will receive national coverage for the great work they do. 

A race back to mine to film Neil who was staying as my Airbnb guest. The light was fading so the filming took place in my garden, Neil and I sat at my garden bench, drinking tea and chatting. My first break all day, I really enjoyed my conversation with Neil about his early morning raves.

For the last hour the film crew took pictures of my home, the piano, my noticeboard in the kitchen, some pictures of Steve and I.

At 4.30 pm we all jumped into a taxi to catch the train to London, I was travelling onto a funeral in Wales. The next day the film crew would be repeating the entire process again, this time on location in Brighton filming more Airbnb hosts.

As a result of renewed interest in my blog, I’ve decided to keep writing but with a new emphasis on my Solo Life. I was looking for a new direction in 2020, it looks like I’ve found one.

I’d welcome any ideas or experiences you think I should try  as a solo adventurer.

Add your comments below. Thanks for reading, until next time  

#MyPrelovedLife : 13/1/20

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Shanghai Friends and Culture

Professor Zhang, Steve’s good friend treated my like royalty whilst I was in Shanghai. He picked me up from the Shanghai International Port at the start of my 5 day tour and took me by taxi to Shanghai Railway Station at the end of my stay. I didn’t pay for my hotel, a 5* star king sized room at the Crowne Plazza, not one metro ride, not one drink, not one taxi ride, not one meal, not one snack, not one visitor attraction entrance fee, I wasn’t allowed to pay for anything!

Every guide I had was organised and paid for by Professor Zhang. I can’t find the words to express my thanks here, so much generosity by this man who will forever have a special place in my heart.

Straight from the boat, I was whisked off to Fudan University where computer science students and colleagues respectfully listened to a presentation I gave on “How to Present Effectively”. I had 5 minutes to slip on a smart dress, brush my hair before facing the class. It’s amazing to think that just an hour before I’d been sailing up the river from Japan to Shanghai, on that slow boat to China. The students seemed to enjoy my talk and when Professor Zhang paid me, I was over the moon.

That first night it was a quick turn around back at the hotel, I had 15 minutes to unpack, freshen up a bit and join Professor Wu Jie, his family and Professor Zhang and his wife. No time for a shower, just a bit of lippy. We had a meal together in a fancy restaurant with our own private dining room, a large round table with a spinning centre. I can’t remember too much about the food, I was feeling very tired, I still had a touch of sea legs but I do remember the food was delicious and that the wine and beer flowed particularly well.

For the next 3 days, I visited so many places including the Financial District of Shanghai with it’s tall buildings. I loved the Oriental Pearl Tower, glowing pink with it’s 11 spheres which is said to represent a poem about the sprinkling sound of pearls, big and small falling on a jade plate. It’s even more spectacular at night, so much bling.

The skyscraper we chose to climb was the Shanghai Financial Center Building, once owned by a Japanese company, fascinating to see remnants of Japanese culture, all the lift attendants bow to you as the doors close.

We eagerly waited for our lift to the 100th floor, the countdown had begun. As the lift doors shut everyone became still, my ears popped and as we stepped out of the lift I wasn’t sure how I’d cope with the glass floors directly overlooking the traffic down below but it turned out to be easier than I thought. Watching people nonchalantly taking selfies with the Shanghai river snaking behind gave me strength.

It was just 3 days later that Professor Zhang and I walked along the Bund, the opposite side of the river  and saw all those tall building all lit up like Christmas trees. I think Shanghai is the most beautiful city I’ve ever seen at night, the lights, the illuminated river cruisers, paddle steamers and thousands of people milling around is such a strong memory. The Bund or ( Band) as it’s pronounced in Chinese was built by European designers, especially British architects, in fact one building houses the Chinese equivalent of Big Ben but I thought the half hour chime was quite wimpy compared to London’s booming Big Ben.

Another highlight was walking around the grounds of Fudan University with it’s impressive new East and West buildings built only a few years ago to celebrate the university’s centenary year. Fudan has 30,000 students, over 1200 professors and 500 foreign staff members and is one of China’s top universities. I wonder if I’ll ever get the chance to teach at Fudan.

We had lunch at the students’ canteen, a massive building with 30 plus food stations offering everything from noodles, tofu, chicken, pork, beef dishes as well as pizza if you wanted European style food. I ate rice, tofu, green peppers and my favourite fried aubergine and all with chopsticks. I am definitely improving, a matter of necessity as many places I’ve visited just didn’t have forks.

I’ve really enjoyed spending time with my new Chinese family friends, the mature twelve year old Yue Yue aka Paul and his super cool mother Shuncheng and the Wu family with 2 of the most well behaved delightful boys I’ve ever met, William, aged 8 and Jason aged 4. They both play the piano and in fact William took his Grade 5 exam the morning we all went out on a trip to Zhujiajiao, the canal town described as Shanghai’s Venice.

Paul was a fantastic guide, his English was spot on, when we visited the Shanghai Museum he told me why the dome is circular, to represent Heaven and the base is square to represent Earth. He was full of stories, eager to practice his English but also keen to learn about my life. We talked about the flowers that grow in our gardens, we talked about the music we liked. Thanks to Paul I’ve now got a new favourite song, “See you Again” by Charlie Puth. We spent hours together in a comfortable 7 seater car travelling to Sozhou, sharing our music via blue tooth. Paul, currently a student in one of the top High Schools in Shanghai and who’s dad works for the government, is destined for great things, I’m sure. What a pleasure to spend 2 days with him.

My time with the Wu family at Zhujiajiao was a special day too, we took a gondola down the river, we had our feet cleaned by fish in tanks which was so relaxing after walking around in the heat. Jason couldn’t resist putting his hands in the tank to catch the fish, not the idea really, if you remain still the fish will nibble all the dead skin cells leaving your feet wonderfully smooth. The two boys were interested in everything, especially fascinated by the parrot on the perch in a temple door way.

I loved the bamboo gardens at Kenzi and the 72 year old man, born in the year of the Rooster, the same year as San San, Williams mother and I. We watched him cut out a rooster using just a pair of sharp scissors and a piece of red paper. Wu Jie bought me a larger paper cut rooster and sweet William, in his softly spoken voice, told me in perfect English that he was going to buy me a fan with his pocket money. I felt choked up, such a practical gift too on a very hot day. In fact although the temperatures were not as hot today, just 35 degrees, it felt so much hotter in the canal town, probably because of the narrow streets with small shops absorbing the heat from weeks of unusually high temperatures in Shanghai. I don’t think I’ve ever sweated so much in one day.

I just have to describe the food I ate, the Squirrel Shaped Mandarin fish was good, covered in an orange sauce, you get the whole fish head but it’s easy to eat because the spines of battered fish can be picked off with chopsticks. I didn’t like the puffer fish dish, 4 inch globs of brown “flesh” that Professor Wu Jie insisted I try. I ate a bit, not sure what bit, I was too squeamish to eat more. But how fascinating to watch William tuck into his puffer fish with gusto.

I loved the green bread crumbed tofu, not sure what made it green but it was tasty. I loved eating the chewy sweet dumplings too, but the tasteless milky white soup with tiny white fish gets a thumbs down from me.

Thank you Professor Zhang for making my trip to China so wonderful. I love Shanghai  forever, a city full of culture, friendship and fascinating food.

#MyPrelovedLife
July 2017

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Mindfulness and Meditation- The Covid Silver Lining

This Summer I came across a book called Search Inside Yourself, The Unexpected Path to Achieving Success, Happiness ( and World Peace!) by Chade Meng Tan. This book changed my life. It was so easy to read, I read it twice within just 3 weeks. At the end of the book, I discovered you could take a Search Inside Yourself course and that the organisation, SIYLI was running online Zoom training courses this year, due to the Covid Pandemic. I signed up straight away. The course started on September 16th and was 12 hours long, spread over three 4 hour sessions. The fact that I met over 70 participants from all over the world, added to the charm of this course.

What’s included in a Search Inside Yourself program? Here’s the blurb from their website

“Transformational experiences backed by world experts in neuroscience, mindfulness and emotional intelligence”

And that’s exactly what my experience was. After the second session, I decided to resign from my IT tutor job at the local college because I knew in my heart that wasn’t my path. I completed a value-based exercise and knew straight away I wanted to share the knowledge I’d gained from this course to help other people become more mindful through meditation practices. I felt liberated and scared at the same time. For 4 weeks I’ve been developing a brand new course to share with people who are looking for new ways to cope during Pandemic Lockdowns, 

The course is now ready and I’ve teamed up with Suffolk New College to offer Search Inside Yourself as part of their Leisure Learning programme. The course starts on 24th November and will run for 3 weeks.

I’d love your support.

If this pilot proves successful there will be more events to follow.

#MyPrelovedLife : 4/11/20

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My Covid Life in 38 Gratitudes

I wanted a record of things I’d achieved, experiences I’d had, things I was grateful for during the 2020 Lockdown. Here’s the results of my musings.

1. Plenty of Zoom meetings, some of them with family, some with girlfriends, some with my yoga friends some on my own. I remember I dressed up, it was the first Saturday of the Lockdown and I invited friends to join me, nobody came. I still enjoyed myself dancing around drinking sparkling water. That was when Zoom parties were still a novelty.

2. I knitted 3 pairs of finger-less gloves, I haven’t sewn them up yet.

3. I used my 60-year-old Singer sewing machine for the first time to take the hem up on my kaftan, bought in Dubai 3 years ago, 6 inches too long. Don’t look too closely at the stitching but it works and it’s now wearable.

4. In the early weeks when Zoom was new to many people I ran free training sessions on how to use Zoom. I worked with fitness instructors, artists and Jazz musicians. Now of course everyone is running successful Zoom meetings including my Baptist Minister Sister-in-law. She uses Zoom for all her church services.

5. I was given a mixing desk and professional microphone so I could broadcast my Preloved Chica Time Capsule show live from my home studio.

6. I ran a Marathon in May for Papworth Trust, 10 runs, 2.6 miles each, raising almost £200 just by adding a Facebook DONATE button to one of my posts. I think people were keen to support worthy causes. During the Lockdown, I’ve added 3 Facebook Donate buttons and raised hundreds of £s

7. With co-presenter Stephen Spencer we broadcasted 27 Corona Virus update ICR radio shows, 2 each week for 14 weeks supporting people in the community with the latest updates and local news

8. 2 very special men came into my life.

9. I tuned into Dr. Laurie Santos’ Happiness Lab and discovered her key take away was if you can help others you will feel better.

10. Greeting people I meet whilst out running with a huge smile and a Good Morning has made such a difference and if you’ve read the poem Smile, you’ll know smiling is contagious

11. I’ve now completed the 8-mile circuit around Alton Water 5 times, mostly on Sundays with my son, Jake who’s following Stu Mittleman’s Slow Burn Running technique.

12. I’ve had the chance to practice the Stoic Reframe technique when my computer hard-drive crashed and died. You say to yourself, “we’ll at least its not……” There are so many things I could fill in the blank with. I’m so grateful for good health.

13. I discovered Monty Don’s Gardeners World, the most relaxing TV show out there. From those gardens, I’ve found a new love for roses, especially Damask roses which smell like Turkish Delight.

14. During the Lockdown I received 2 bouquets of deep red roses which stayed fresh for over 2 weeks

15. I arranged a Zoom meeting with neighbours to watch the One World Together At Home. They were eating piping hot Nachos with melted cheese. I made a comment saying how lovely they looked, the next thing my lovely neighbour brings me a bowl of hot nachos to my doorstep.

16. I had a refund for my trip to Japan, now rescheduled for Easter 2021

17. A fox has made 3 visits to my garden and on one occasion at 8 am, the fox walked up my side lane and strutted down the main road outside my house, bold as brass. I think we’re all witnessing a new kind of bolder nature

18. Street “parties” with 2 groups of neighbours, every week providing structure and consistency to my Lockdown weeks

19. The online yoga classes from Ekhart Yoga, especially the 7 Chakra workouts. I’ve completed the entire 8-part playlist this week creating my a home-based retreat.

20. A bottle of Don Pappa rum from the Philippines which I drink neat, with no mixers, no ice. The flavours are incredible, a wonderful gift from Ryan.

21. Ryan also sent me 12 bottles of super wine from The Fugitive Motel in London, a very enterprising company delivering wine to individuals to prevent stock going out of date. The wine was delicious!

22. I completed a piece of art inspired by Grayson Perry’s Artclub. I had 5 previous attempts at making something I could hang on my wall and the very last piece of work turned into something magical that is now framed and hanging on my wall.

23. I made a batch of Kimchi with my son. It’s a very therapeutic thing to do as you have to squeeze the vegetables with salt until they become soft. The kitchen smelled so lovely too and Kimchi, fermented vegetables is so good for you.

24. I joined Joanne’s Beltane festival live from her Glastonbury garden via Zoom. The bonfire had its own camera and went the fire was lit, it exploded into flames, very impressive to see. There were 8 of us on the Zoom call, all raising a glass to the Summer months

25. Sometimes running 2.6 miles just before our live Corona Virus Update shows, cutting it fine but feeling energised and full of endorphins before going live at 11.00 am.

26. Visiting the allotment and seeing how the gourds were growing. Many of the courgettes have become marrows but the perennial Goji Berry bush, native to the Tibetan mountains continues to thrive and produce sweet red berries for another year.

27. Tidied up my garden shed, it’s easier to find things now, including my garden seats! Thank you, Tony, for all your help.

28. I went stargazing at Dunwich Heath, a beautiful new moon night sky with shiny stars. I lay on a blanket and watched several shooting stars fly across the sky.

29. Getting pulled over by the Police and breathalysed on my way back from stargazing, of course I tested negative. Thank goodness I didn’t bring a hip flask!

30. Making time to condition my hair with my blend of olive oil, avocado and egg. I left the concoction on for an hour in the sun, my hair was rock hard, fortunately, it washed off and my hair was very soft and shiny for a few days

31. I loved watching the National Theatre’s YouTube live video performance of A Street Car Named Desire, starring Gillian Anderson. It was 3 hours long so I watched it over 2 days. It really did feel like a theatre experience.

32. I organised a garden party for my birthday and invited a select group of just 12 people. I booked Matt White from the Emulsions to do an acoustic set, it was truly wonderful. I made cards for all my guests so that they could have a physical memento to take home as well as the wonderful memories of the evening.

33. I took a yoga balance workshop with Andrew Wrenn and as I wobbled on my mat I couldn’t stop laughing out loud at myself. I’ve never laughed in a yoga class before.

34. Made a guest appearance on 2 radio shows, Rendlesham Community Radio and Felixstowe Radio, I was very pleased to be asked to talk about my passion for secondhand clothes

35. My son bought me a make-over and photoshoot for my birthday. I felt very special and loved the photos that were taken.

36. I picked up the first Emperor book by Conn Iggulden in a telephone box in Holbrook over Easter, read it and loved the book so much I had to buy the other 4 books in the series. I love reading about the life of Julius Caesar, the battle tactics, and political intrigue. I’m completely wrapped up in Roman History which has been a wonderful escapism

37. I’ve found a free meditation training course from Google, called Search Inside Yourself, and would love to teach others to learn the basic skills of meditation, perhaps my next vocation.

38. I wore a pair of false eyelashes for the first time in my life, thanks to my birthday makeup artist. I managed to keep the lashes on for the entire day. I did have to ask a friend to pull them off before bed. Ouch!

I’d love to hear about your Lockdown experiences, do leave your comments below

#MyPrelovedLife : 10/7/20

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Running for Emotional Health in Covid Times

I’ve never considered myself a runner but perhaps it’s time to review this. Before the Lockdown I was running intermittently, there was no pattern or commitment and I could only run about 1 mile.

But everything changed at the start of the Lockdown when the Government was encouraging us to take outside exercise once a day. So that’s when I decided to take up running as a hobby. It was strange running through the empty streets, it was like a ghost town, no people, no cars on the roads, no long waits for the traffic to clear before crossing the road. From that first run, it felt good to move, to fill my lungs with fresh air, uncontaminated with petrol fumes. This was going to work for me.

My first jog was on 24/3, from then on I ran most days, just a mile and a half and usually along the Ipswich Waterfront. After 21 runs in March and April, I decided to step it up for May and came up with the idea of running a Marathon, 2.6 miles a day for 10 runs. I had another reason to run too, Jo Revitt from the Papworth Trust was looking for people to raise money for her charity.

So that’s what I did. Some days it was a struggle to run, I felt like I was as slow as a snail, that extra mile was a challenge. The very last 2.6 miles was so different, I had a spring in my step, I ran faster than normal and I even managed to raise £136 for the Papworth Trust. Thanks to everyone who supported me.

It’s now 12 weeks since the Lockdown and the Government has lifted some restrictions so that we can now exercise as many times as we want during the day. But that’s coincided with fewer runs, Marathon Burnout!!

But on Sunday I went out with my son on a Slow Burn 8 mile run around Alton Waters.

I’ve walked around the reservoir many times getting blisters on my feet. But the Slow Burn run didn't hurt my feet at all, I felt invigorated after running using this method. This is how it works, you walk 15 minutes, you run 15 minutes, you walk 15 minutes, you run 30 minutes, you walk 15 minutes, you run 45 minutes and you run slowly but you always keep moving.

Stu Mittleman, the creator of this method, is the man who ran 1000 miles in less than 12 days and holds the American record for distance in six days — 577 miles.

I love Stu’s mantra

Focus on results and you won’t change. Focus on change and you’ll get results

When you run slow you burn fat, when you run fast you burn carbohydrates. My son has read Stu Mittleman’s book, Slow Burn and while we were running he shared anecdotes from the book, like imagine there's an invisible thread running through your spine to the top of your head, keeping you upright.

Just before we started the timer for the 45-minute run, I felt a sense of dread. I’ve never run for that long before. I managed to push those negative thoughts out of my mind and began the longest run of my life. And yes, we both did it!

Reflecting on that experience out in nature for over 2 hours, with cool but dry weather, lush green vegetation, scents in the air from pine trees, thyme plants and white hawthorn bushes, was a wonderful adventure. We both enjoyed the practice so much that we plan to run around the reservoir next week. Could this turn into a weekly habit?

I am so glad I can run. It’s therapy, it’s physically rewarding, it's free and it’s always available. Running helps with overwhelming emotions too. Yesterday I was collecting songs for my radio show, 2 of my husband's friends sent me songs that he’d always enjoyed. I decided to lay on my back with my earphones turned up listening to Nantucket Sleighride by Mountain. It’s a long track over 9 minutes long and as the guitar solo kicked in I started crying, missing my husband so much, he died 3 years ago now but the pain is still there. With tears pouring down my face, I got up and decided to go for a run even though I had things to do later that evening, they could wait.

I'm so glad I took action, running was what my body and mind needed right then. It was wonderful, I felt like I was running past the emotion, leaving it behind. I was in charge of my life and by the time I arrived home, I felt tired but glowing. Running is brilliant for state change work, a lifesaver. I’m so happy I have running in my life.

Let me know what you have in your life that can lift your spirits, especially during these crazy Covid times.

#MyPrelovedLife : 12/6/20

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Music In Covid19 Times

I took a course on how to be a radio presenter 2 years ago and up until the Lockdown I’d been broadcasting a weekly Time Capsule Show where a guest picks 4 pieces of music and we chat about their choices. As the music plays out so their life story unfolds. It’s one of the best things I’ve done in my life. It’s been an honour to share people's stories and be introduced to great new music.

When the Lockdown was announced our community radio station, Ipswich Community Radio (ICR) was shut but thanks to Martin Webby, one of the ICR Directors, I was provided with the equipment to broadcast live from home. I was given a mixer, a studio-quality microphone, and after 3 hours of technical support from our Tech Guru, Daniel Moore, I was up and running.

Yes, there have been plenty of technical issues, like the time I sounded like a dying Dalek but my philosophy has always been to plough on regardless and not to take myself too seriously, after all, it’s not the BBC! Mistakes do happen, even when I was in the studio I've been known to sing along to tracks with the mic turned on!

The station is still shut but I’m now broadcasting 3 times a week from home, the 2 extra shows are Corona Virus updates for residents to hear local news and find out what remarkable things people in the community are doing. I co-present with Stephen Spencer, our styles are complimentary but like me he’s calm in a crisis!

Some of the people we’ve interviewed include Crystal Stanley, who's up for an award from the Queen for her Rainbow Trail Facebook initiative, Gavin Walker, a Security Guard working throughout Lockdown with vulnerable young people and Jules Button from the Woodbridge Emporium who sends out Book Hugs to NHS staff. I’m hoping our biweekly shows provides support to those in the community and that we might in some way brighten up peoples' days.

My Time Capsule show has morphed during the Lockdown. I don't have a guest anymore, I broadcast solo. One week I played lots of sad love songs. I've even created a Spotify Playlist called Loving in the Time Of Covid. Another week I shared dance songs with a warm-up and cool-down song to begin and end the show. Last week I invited friends to share one piece of music they love and to tell me why. This week I’m going to try broadcasting live to Facebook at the same time as being on FM Radio. I'll invite people to jump onto my live radio show. It could be a total disaster but worth exploring.

Live radio is edgy but always fun and ticks some of the boxes suggested by Ryan Ramsey, a Submarine Captain on how to survive isolation during the Lockdown. 

1. Routine - Find one and stick to it

2. Cleaning – Don’t let standards slip

3. Downtime-Make time for yourself, avoid too much news and reduce anxiety

4. Conflict- Find a way to de-escalate

5. Communicate – Call people as a way to socialise

I like these tips, routine being the most important one for me. What ways of coping have you found helpful during these last 2 months? I'd love to hear from you.

#MyPrelovedLife : 27/5/20

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My Life in Covid 19 Times

It's now been 4 weeks since the Lockdown. It’s amazing how I've become used to this new norm but I find myself doing things I’ve not done for decades and things I’ve never done before.

Take last weekend when I cleaned my upstairs and downstairs blinds. A fiddly job that took hours but living in this house on my own gives me the feeling that I have endless time on my hands. I’ve been baking too, 2 batches of rock cakes and a bakestone of Welsh cakes.

I’m cooking differently, using up whatever is in the fridge, I throw very little away now. Everything feels more precious somehow, I don't want to take anything for granted.

In the first week of Lockdown, I started showing people how to use Zoom, fitness instructors, artists, musicians. It was something I could do. I felt like I was making a difference. I recorded YouTube videos too, one has had almost 500 views.

4 weeks on and everyone knows how to use Zoom now. Innovative virtual parties are springing up everywhere, pub quizzes, book readings, music concerts and fitness classes. I even took part in the Morning Gloryville sober virtual rave on Saturday morning with 1000 other ravers.

I’m back on the radio too, twice a week Stephen Spencer and I broadcast a Corona Virus Special. Our first show was in the ICR studios but several days after that first show the Government told us not to leave our homes apart from essential food shopping and one hour of exercise each day. But that hasn't stopped our public broadcasting. I was lent a mixing desk and a studio mic and after hours of remote IT support, I’m now streaming to the airwaves from my studio at home, sometimes I'll even do a live Zoom to Facebook stream.

Yes, I’ve been doing crazy things, I took part in a wonderful collaboration with friends around the world connecting Moscow to Thailand to Hong Kong to Trinidad to Ipswich!!! We made a #DONTRUSHCHALLENGE video. A huge thank you to Margo Fifa for her production and video editing skills.

And if you want to find out more about the Don’t Rush Challenge going viral during the Lockdown, read this https://www.teenvogue.com/story/dont-rush-challenge-creator

We’ve been told to stay at home to protect our NHS, to help stop the spread of the virus which has turned our lives upside down. Colleges and schools are closed, restaurants, pubs are empty, only essential services are operating.

Many people are now working from home, impossible for many especially those in retail and service industries like hairdressers. How crazy when we need our hairdressers more than ever at the moment. Many families have discovered barbers in their midst with some impressive haircuts being shared online.

My fellow presenter Stephen is broadcasting from his boat at Ipswich Marina. We always have plenty to talk about including updates from our local council and social initiatives to help others in the community. This week we interviewed Ezra Hewing from Suffolk MIND to talk about the help available for those who are suffering mentally during these hard times. Loneliness and isolation can be very debilitating. We humans are sociable creatures we like to gather with friends when we’re happy and get support from others when we’re unhappy so having to self-isolate is tough.

The radio broadcasts, now 3 times each week give my life structure and meaning. I hope I'm sharing useful information for those stuck at home. Stephen and I have good rapport despite having to cope with technology that's often challenging.

The other routine in my life is running, I go out most days only just over a mile and a slow one at that but it feels good to exercise. There's no waiting to cross the roads because there’s no traffic, the air smells fresher too. I plan to keep running after the Lockdown as well as meditating every day.

My Medication Waking Up app is telling me I’ve completed an 19-day continuous streak! Being at home alone is sometimes hard, the long Friday and Saturday nights when I get back from a run and its only 5.30 pm and I wonder what I’ll do for the next 6 hours is difficult!

I’ve tried different things, I’ve been on a virtual date night, dressing up for the occasion, enjoying a couple of glasses of red wine plus great conversation for 2 hours, I’ve watched movies, I’ve painted a rainbow for my window inspired by Crystal Stanley’s Rainbow Trail Facebook group.

I’ve attempted a jigsaw puzzle of a beautiful field of lavender with lots of blue skies. This didn't work for me, I thought I'd experience a deep sense of peace as I laid out the 1000 pieces. Within half an hour of sorting out all the flat-edged pieces but within half an hour I was frustrated. This was a difficult puzzle and instead of relaxation, I felt tense. It’s now back in the box and I’ve offered it to friends on Facebook. I was surprised at how many people were interested. I wish I had 10 jigsaws to give away.

More routines in my week include drinking a glass of wine on Zoom with my yoga friends, a weekly family Zoom meeting primarily for my tech-savvy 89-year-old mother in law who loves seeing her grandchildren who live around the world and every Sunday afternoon I meet my neighbours at the front of our houses. Yes, more wine is involved in this gathering too!!.

It's great to see people, we kept our 2 metres social distance but seeing people face to face is a real treat. The weather has been so very pleasant since the Lockdown.

So now we wait for another 2 weeks to see if any restrictions will be relaxed. I think we may experience more problems as we take those first steps back out into the world, let’s see.

In the meantime, nature carries on regardless. This sunflower seed in a pot in my garden is pushing its way out of the soil, driving upwards, full of purpose and direction.

Nature, my inspiration.

Are you living on your own? What strategies have you found helpful?

#MyPrelovedLife : 24/4/20

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Musings on a Walk in Nature

On Sunday I decided I needed to go out for a stroll. I’ve walked the Fynn Valley before and had every confidence I’d find my way around the 7-mile circular walk. I set off at a pace carrying my phone, earplugs, debit card and lippy in a jacket pocket.

I was keen to see plants, trees and wildlife. I heard plenty of birds in the hedgerows, I even saw a hawk circling in the sky and as I inhaled deeply I feel a surge of excitement. Times are strange right now with the news full of warnings about the serious Corona-virus pandemic. So I thought I could escape from the worries of crowded places full of germs by walking in the countryside. And then I came across 3 kissing gates with latches!

In the middle of the Suffolk countryside, I had to open these gates with my hands! My next thought was don’t touch your face. Apparently, it’s a built-in human response to touch our faces, it comforts us. There’s evidence to suggest we may touch our faces 16 times every hour.

I considered the likelihood of infected people going out for a long walk and leaving traces of the Corona-virus on kissing gates. Slim, I thought. I had more pressing concerns, I’d been out for 2 hours and realised that I’d walked passed the same white land-rover and a couple walking 5 dogs twice. I must have walked around in circles and not even realised I'd strayed from the main route.

Now I pondered whether it was best to plot a course and stick to it or enjoy the thrill of meandering around. I remembered as a child I was terrified of getting lost, straying off the path. But for the last few years, I’ve been doing just that, gravitating towards new experiences coming my way.

This inspiring video came to mind, recorded on prom seats at the Snape Maltings Concert Hall, Show of Hands singing acapella “Keep Hauling”.

Once I realised I was lost, I pulled out my phone and checked Google. Now I knew which direction I needed to take, I was hoping my feet would hold up as I had a blister forming. This was the first time that afternoon I’d used my phone. I'd decided to concentrate on the sounds of nature rather than feed my podcast addiction.

I was on the home straight, it was a windy day, my eyes were streaming from the weather. I must have looked a mess. In the distance, I could see 2 men walking together, maybe a father and son. As they came nearer, the younger man gave me the biggest smile and wave. That smile turned my afternoon around, it was like someone had given me a precious gift, I was determined to pass it on to the next person I met.

Coming up close, I saw a man with a teenage girl, I’d recognised them from another stretch of the path. As we got closer the man was holding a debit card, are you Elene Marsden? Did you drop your debit card? I had no idea I’d dropped it. I must have dropped my card when I’d taken out my phone to check my location.

I really couldn’t believe it, I’d got lost, I’d changed directions, what were the chances of having this second encounter with this couple? Some kind of ecstatic charge poured through my body. I bowed to them, of course, I couldn’t shake hands and thanked them profusely.

And that was my afternoon walk around the valley, so much had happened mild anxiety about being lost, tiredness from physical exercise and a renewed faith in humanity. As the world battles with the Corona-virus I know that there will much kindness to behold and with my glass completely full mentality that’s how I chose to see to view the next few months.
#MyPrelovedLife : 16/3/20

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The Magical Isle of Avalon

Diving Rods at Glastonbury Abbey. Thanks to Richard Mudhar for the photo

On the very last day of February 2020, I travelled 7 hours across the UK from Ipswich in the east to Glastonbury in the West Country. First I journeyed by train to London, then took an underground train to Hammersmith and from there picked up a Berry’s Coach to Taunton.

What an incredible 5-star service I had, comfy leather seats with plenty of room and friendly staff who served hot drinks and snacks at ridiculously cheap prices. It was like stepping back in time. On that journey, I met Colonel Bob Richardson-Aitken, a 79-year-old ex-military gentleman who’d lived most of his life in the far east, including Malaysia, Vietnam and Thailand. He was an experienced helicopter pilot but recently he’d been invited by a friend to Stonehenge where he’d been given a pair of divining rods which had worked surprisingly well. He told me that as an engineer he was embarrassed to admit that he had no idea why or how divination worked. It felt like my Glastonbury journey had begun on that coach ride.

After 2 hours chatting to the Colonel, I watched him get off the bus in the middle of the pitch-black countryside, somewhere near Codford, Wiltshire. I felt concerned for him until he explained that he was just a short walk from his local pub where he was going to meet friends for dinner. What an interesting character!

An hour later at 10.00 pm I was dropped off in the middle of Glastonbury’s High Street. It was raining, my friend wasn’t there. I felt slightly concerned as at that moment I realised I didn’t have my friend's address or phone number!. I walked across the road to shelter from the rain and started chatting to one of the bouncers outside the pub. This local lad told me to be careful in Glastonbury, “ Is it a dangerous place?” I asked. He replied, “ You've heard of League of Gentlemen! Just saying!"

Before I could enquire further, my friend Joanne arrived, whisking me away to her warm home where a blue Unity candle had been lit in my honour.

The Glastonbury Unity candle is used for ceremonies of all kinds and it even stands on the table of the monthly Town Council meetings. And so my Glastonbury experience continued to unfold.

During my 4 day stay there were so many highlights including lighting a candle for Steve at the Chalice Well. ( I can hardly believe he died 3 years ago ). Joanne gave me a tealight to bring back to Ipswich. She’d lit this candle from The Flame of Brigid, a continuously burning candle at the St Brigid’s Hermitage in Kildare. She told me to take my candle home and with it all my Glastonbury memories.

Glastonbury High Street

The day we walked up the Tor was my fondest memory, Joanne took me on one of her new Spiritual Walking Tours. Before we began we took our shoes off and placed our feet on the earth, intensely cold. We practised a breathing exercise given to her by a forest monk to help us connect with nature. My feet were tingling when I put my socks back on, alive with sensation. With glowing feet, we set off for the Tor but first, we stood next to an ancient oak tree and then lay on the ground, gazing at the blue sky. It was very liberating to just lay down on grass surrounded by nettles without a blanket and not worry about the damp ground beneath.

We visualised roots from our bodies reaching down into the earth, grounding us, connecting us. And then Joanne who is a Priestess of the Goddess on the Isle of Avalon asked me to turn over, lie face down on the grass to whisper a question I wanted answering. The answer came when I heard the sound of a plane overhead, ( surprisingly Joanne did not hear that plane) and when I saw a single magpie in the field, I felt I had my answer. The detail is not important but the experience was profound to me.

My reading with the Wisdom of Avalon Oracle Cards

We continued with our walk to the Tor, spending time at the Orchard of Avalon, reclining on aged apple trees soaking up the ancient Avalon tales before ascending the Tor via the Ceremonial Path. So many people have walked that path, with an elevation of 518 feet, it’s hard work. We walked with purpose placing each foot carefully as we climbed. The last few steps to the top were incredible, the wind gusted, strong enough to blow you over, certainly powerful enough to clear negative energies. We proceeded to walk around the Tower. In olden times there was a church on top of the Tor, some say it was destroyed by an earthquake, now all that remains is the roofless St Michael's Tower. From the Tor you can see for miles around, the Quantock Hills, the Mendips, the Somerset plains, 360 degrees of rolling countryside. It was breathtaking and my connection with the natural world was revived.

I’m back in Ipswich now but fully immersed in an Audible version of the Mists Of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley. Her descriptions of Avalon rising above the mists is pure magic and guides you to a world of myth, romance and valour. I feel so connected to this place as I listen to this epic 20-hour narration of the Tales of Avalon. I would highly recommend this book.

There are 2 springs in Glastonbury, the White Spring and the Red Spring or Chalice Well. We drank from both springs. The white spring water is full of calcium, the red spring contains iron and over the years has stained the Chalice Well a deep red colour. I found the red water tasted very metallic and was hard to drink but with the recommended 3:1 mix it was pleasant.

The White Spring is housed in an old Victorian Pump station, deep underground, dark, damp, water underfoot and lit only by candlelight. There’s a large round pool and a smaller deeper pool. As you walk down the stairs your eyes have to adjust to the darkness, signs at the entrance say no photography, the site is a holy place and people strip naked to bathe in the ice-cold waters.

While I was there, I was mesmerised by an Adonis figure, tall, slim with long hair tied up in a topknot and very naked. I watched in a trance as he dried himself in the flickering golden candlelight. Joanne wondered what had captured my interest!

We walked to the large pool, stepped onto the ledge and gazed into the water which resonates sound. Together we chanted 3 OMs. Somebody in one of the small chambers joined in with the deepest reverberating powerful chant I’ve ever heard. At first, I thought someone had turned on a CD player but there was no evidence of that. I saw a few people sitting quietly in the Brigid Temple area.

Could it have been one of them?

I will never know but the sound I heard that day will stay with me forever.

Glastonbury is a magical place. I’ve travelled extensively over the last few years and visited some incredible places but I would say if you ever get the chance, go to Glastonbury. It’s an enchanting place and for many of us, on our doorstep.

#MyPrelovedLife 10/3/20

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ITV Spent 6 Hours Filming My Airbnb Home

I started writing #MyPrelovedLife blog in September 2018, and by the end of 2019, I'd written over 50 stories about how I'd overcome the sadness of losing my lifelong partner to cancer after a 46 years loving relationship. After a year of writing, I decided it was time to let go and move on.

I'd planned to take down MyPrelovedLifee website, I felt it had run its course but I didn’t have time before going to Thailand last year. On my return from a fabulous 2 weeks in Phuket and Bangkok, I picked up a voice mail from the Assistant Producer from the ITV Tonight show. They'd found a blog post I'd written about how I'd signed up for Airbnb to earn an extra income and to combat loneliness. I was very excited that I'd shown up in their Google search. This was a sign, so I decided to continue writing. I'd already had feedback from people who'd told me my words had helped with their own bereavement.

I realised I had more to write, more people to help as I continued my journey as a solo adventurer.

I discussed the programme brief with the ITV Tonight researchers and confirmed that I'd be happy to take part in the show.

A date was set for the ITV film crew to spend the day with me, they spent 6 hours with me in total. They filmed in my home, they photographed my notice boards and family photos, they filmed me working on my computer. I would have tidied up a bit more if I'd known they'd be all over the house! The most painstaking part of the day was having to make the bed 10 times from different angles!!

They also interviewed one of my Airbnb guests, filmed me at the radio station where I have a weekly Time Capsule Interview Style Show and came along to St Elizabeth's Hospice Charity Shop where I spend a lot of time buying preloved clothes. I knew they would cut hours of footage but I was disappointed they didn’t include the Hospice Shop

Spending the day with the film crew was exhausting, yet somehow therapeutic, the film crew were genuinely interested in my story, their questions were always sensitive. I felt we bonded and all of us travelled back to London together, they were scheduled to repeat the entire filming process the next day with a family from Brighton who would tell a different Airbnb story.

I had no idea how I'd come across on the ITV Tonight programme and watched the news programme with bated breath as my 2 minutes of fame was aired live on National TV. It wasn't too embarrassing, I felt it was an accurate representation of why I became involved with Airbnb.

You can watch the programme "Airbnb- the True Cost" t" for 30 days on catch up. Overall the tone was quite negative of Airbnb apart from one glimmer of light coming from my success story.

Do I have any regrets taking part in this news story?

Not really. I had to deal with overpowering emotions while I watched my personal story laid out for all to see on National News but it was my decision to invite the film crew into my home. Having your blog picked up by national media has given me a boost and has convinced me to carry on writing.

So that's a good thing although I've changed my story slightly from managing grief to focusing more on my life as a solo adventurer highlighting my solo travel experiences.

I appreciate nothing is forever so I will just enjoy the next few months with a curious eye as life unfolds before me.

Thanks so much for reading my post

#MyPrelovedLife 21/2/20

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Valentine Weekend of Love

Friday was Valentine’s Day so I decided to buy myself some roses, 12 red roses, in fact. A young male cashier served me and with a quizzical expression on his face he said, “Roses?” Yes, I said they’re for me! He couldn’t mask his surprise, I had wanted to tell him they were for the person I loved the most, me! But I wasn’t sure how he’d react to that. It’s not something you normally hear people say.

Continuing with my Valentine-themed weekend I decorated my living room bay window with paper hearts that reflected the light and because they were made from super thin paper, the slightest air current spun the hearts around in a hypnotic way. I think I’ll keep these hearts in my window for now, they remind me of the love I’ve had and the love I still have to give.

This leads to a rather sensitive topic, dating. For the last 3 years, going out on dates has not been high on my list. But I’ve decided to change that, partly in response to my decision to keep writing this blog and in the name of research. How pretentious I feel calling it research!

I believe that thoughts become things and have been an avid reader of Notes from the Universe for 10 + years. I’m so grateful to Mike Dooley for creating those marvellous notes. I remember sitting on a bus with Mike going to Macchu Pichu last year. I told him I wasn't sure what I should do next. "Simple," he said, " be of service to others". Another reason to continue writing. I hope that my words will touch others.

Anyway back to dating. Once I decided to date, the opportunities appeared. Over Valentine's weekend, I went out to lunch on Saturday and Sunday with 2 different men. Their names have been altered to protect their identities.

Angus was a close friend of a friend, we’d been out as a group once or twice but never just the two of us. We had a good lunch over a glass of wine and then we went to the Ed Sheeran exhibition at Christchurch Mansion. I’ve been out to lunch with men before but always in the context of business, so I was acutely aware of how different this felt, no agenda, just a getting to know each other better. Lunch with a man is also completely different to lunch with a girlfriend, a kind of sexual energy hovers in the air. The conversation is like a dance, a few moments of silence where you wonder if you’ll have anything more to talk about and then onto the next topic. We had plenty to talk about, we got along just fine with Angus offering to cook dinner for me next time!

If you’re wondering why am I writing about a lunch date, for me it’s a huge deal. I married my childhood sweetheart and completely missed out on the whole dating scene. It's like I'm studying a new craft that needs practice. So when I had lunch with Simon the next day I didn't feel quite so unprepared. I’d known Simon for about a year and we have a client therapist relationship which is important to me. I do wonder if stepping outside the boundaries will change our existing relationship.

Lunch was at a different restaurant this time and the conversation centred on one topic, I guess you can imagine what we discussed, I’m not comfortable writing about that here but one day I might be able to explain more. Time went sailing by and lunch was followed by a movie, Parasite, the latest Oscar-winning Best Foreign Film. I discovered that Simon loves films and has an Unlimited Card. He was in his element at Cineworld, he bought the biggest box of popcorn imaginable, a Slush smoothie (I had a bottle of water) and we shared American sweets. Again it was a lovely afternoon, he dropped me home, I wanted to invite him in but something inside me said, No, don't get too close. I like to think I’m spontaneous, I take chances that come my way but this whole love relationship thing is way beyond my comprehension, at least that's how it feels right now.

Perhaps I’m overthinking and I need to lighten up. This quote, apparently by Mark Twain seems appropriate for me right now.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

I have another date on Thursday, all I can say is it could be a roller coaster ride with Malcolm.

#MyPrelovedLife : 17/2/20

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New Ideas Out of the Blue

I've been toying with ways I can use my story to help other people grieving from loss or separation. My plan is to offer my home, currently listed on Airbnb as a place to learn new skills and strategies to move on.

I’ve had people stay with me from all over the world and the feedback is always positive about the energy in my home.

Last year I wrote a blog about how I used Airbnb to combat loneliness and this blog was picked up by ITV news for a feature documentary they were making on the Airbnb Economy. 

I plan to take my Airbnb hosting one step further and offer a nurturing space for people to begin their new solo life journey.

You can join me for the day or for a weekend experience where you stay for 2 nights, arrive on Friday, spend a full Saturday together, leaving after Sunday lunch at the brand new all-vegan pub that's just opened in town.

The day experience will be for a maximum of 5 people, the weekend will be for just one person. 

The weekend events are exclusive, you get to tailor your stay by picking from a range of activities, including:

• Experimenting with colour

• Walking in nature

• Meditation practice

• Making Kimchi

• Journalling

• Preloved shopping

• BE DO HAVE GIVE Exercise

• Discovering the live local music scene ( depending on availability )

• Record a podcast interview

Weekends will be limited, so you'll need to act quickly to reserve your space. Please get in touch if you have any questions.

The reason why I want to offer my home and give time to this new project is that I spent an amazing week with a spiritual coach in Sardinia just a few months after Steve died and it was life-changing. It was pivotal on my journey and helped me to move on. I wrote my first ever poem on the beach during that week too.

I can't promise Sardinia weather but I can promise to listen to you, to help you find a new path whilst still honouring the memories that will always be with you.

Do you know someone who could benefit from this experience? If so perhaps you could share my post.

#MyPrelovedLife : 11/2/20

When the Wick Runs Out

A dear friend gave me a purple candle when Steve died, it was a unique gift which came with a poem. Sadly I didn’t keep the poem but I’ve been using this candle to meditate, on special times when I've needed that extra boost.

Almost 3 years later and this particular candle is nearly spent. The wick is only about ¼ of an inch long. Every time I light this candle, I appreciate every second of its light.

I’ve been thinking about my candle and have realised that when I had the complete candle, I took it for granted, I imagined it would burn forever.

Why do we wait until something has reached the end of its life to appreciate it? Human nature I guess.

It would be difficult to keep everything we’re grateful for in our thoughts, every second of the day but we can set aside times during our busy lives to stop and enjoy what we have. I’m keeping a Gratitude Journal this year, my candle is sure to be included.

My last few meditations with this candle will be extra special. Every time I light the candle I’ll be wondering if this is the last time.

I won’t be sad when it finally sputters out. It’s served me well over the years. I will say good-bye and thank it!

I have already picked another candle to replace my treasured purple one, it will never be the same, that purple candle has too many memories. My new candle will light my room and provide a new focus for my meditations.

“All things that have form eventually decay." -Orochimaru”

I can't believe writing this blog made me cry this morning, thank goodness I have a wonderful Zumba class to change my state to a happy one.

Do you have anything you’re attached to that you’d hate to lose?

#MyPrelovedLife : 3/2/20

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My Failed Saturday Night Sober Pub Crawl

I didn’t fail because I drank alcohol, I failed because I couldn’t find the pub crawllers!

I spent Friday night at home watching back to back episodes of The Vikings, Season 6, and let me tell you it’s not for the faint-hearted. I’d watched the first 4 seasons with Steve, we both enjoyed watching together. I even had an image of Lagertha Lothbruk, Viking Shield Maiden as my screen saver for a while.

It's so much harder to watch The Vikings on your own because it’s so violent, and without a shoulder to bury your face in, I had to resort to pausing the TV, browse my phone for a bit until I was strong enough to continue. I can't have any Viking blood in me!

By the time Saturday night came around I had to go out, staying in 2 weekend nights in a row was not an option for such a social butterfly.

I checked events in Ipswich and found the Weekly Saturday Pub Crawl social, first stop a pub in the centre of town.

I signed up and then thought how weird this is going to be. I'm midway through a self-imposed 21 Days Sober for January challenge. I can do it, a pub crawl without alcohol!

With my free Eventbrite ticket printed out, I was ready for the evening. The only instructions were to arrive at 7.00 pm and wear something purple, I chose a sparkly pair of hand-knitted purple gloves that I’d made myself and a purple scarf.

The bar was packed, I asked for a non-alcoholic bottle of Koppaberg cider served with lots of ice and fruit. It looked just like the alcohol version, it was refreshing too but perhaps a bit too sweet. As the bartender poured my drink I asked her if she knew about the pub crawl group. She had no idea and after a quick walk around the bar checking for purple people and finding no-one, I sat down at a table. I felt a bit awkward, this is not my regular haunt but browsing my phone gave me something to focus on. 

And then as if by magic, 5 people sat down right next to me, a range of ages, one girl and one guy wearing a purple sweatshirt! By this time I’d taken off the gloves and scarf and was in incognito, not a trace of purple insight. I debated whether to introduce myself.

Go For It Girl, I thought and said, “ Excuse me, are you the Saturday Night Pub Crawl Group?” They looked at me, bemused and said, “Yes, we’re on a pub crawl” However, they had no idea about tickets and purple clothing. They were pleasant enough, loved that I was from Barry. ( It seems like everyone watched the Gavin and Stacey Christmas Special ), they even invited me to tag along with them. We chatted for about 10 minutes but once my glass was empty, I decided to go, my group had already started to drift towards 1:1 conversations.

On the walk home I decided the experience was worthwhile and my sober challenge was still rock solid with no awkward questions asked and I still had the Vikings waiting for me at home.

Today’s mission as a solo adventurer didn’t quite work out but I felt pleased with myself for trying something new. 

Till next time.

Have you ever been on a pub crawl, sober?

#MyPrelovedLife : 20/1/20

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How to Survive New Years Eve Solo

I love New Year, I like setting my intentions for the coming year, sometimes I chose 3 words to represent the year. This year for 2020 I’ve chosen these words, connections, creativity and adventure.

What words would you choose?

I somehow knew it was going to be a strange New Year's Eve, my sons were all doing their own thing in different parts of the world, one had tickets for the Tropicana Club in Havana (that’s on my bucket list for sure). Some friends were staying home but I had this unshakeable desire to go to my local pub, the Duke, even if it meant going alone.

Could I do it?

As soon as there's a challenge, that’s it, I know I have to give it a go. I always get this excited feeling around New Year and this year was no different. I found my sparkliest dress to wear, I took extra care over my makeup and used my brightest red lipstick to complete my look. At the last minute, I decided to record a video describing my blog writing plans for the coming year.

Setting up the equipment took longer than I imagined, it felt like time was speeding up with just a few hours to go till midnight. I had to go, with no time to pack away my tripod and lights, I left everything and rushed up to the pub. As soon as I walked in I realised this wasn't going to be easy, there are New Year's Eve conventions, you go to the pub with your mates, your family. There were no other single women at the pub. I scanned the place, I saw only one person sitting on their own, someone I knew and who’d been at the pub a long time judging by how he slurred! I went over to say Hi, received a hug that was just too familiar and from which I had to pull away quickly before moving to the other side of the bar where Abby the DJ was playing a lively set.

I’d already decided not to drink much but I couldn’t resist a couple of glasses of Cwtch Gin, ( a lovely Welsh word that means a hug). Somehow everything was a reminder that I was on my own. My gin was served in a huge glass, with plenty of ice topped up with a bottle of Fever-tree tonic, so good.

When people have been drinking for hours, when shots of Sambuca are lined up on the bar in anticipation of the countdown to midnight, my discomfort started to grow. After some strong self-talk, I decided to throw myself into the dancing, I enjoyed dancing to Jump Around by House of Pain but as we got closer to midnight the music turned cheesy. Dancing Queen was the last straw, it was time to sit at the bar and act cool!

Connections is one of my 2020 words and that’s just what I did, I chatted to new people. There seemed to be more men than women, so it wasn’t long before I met Gordon, a sweet man, 56 years old, from Scotland and a wannabee singer-songwriter ( his words). I soon became part of his gang, his friends were the first to give me New Year kisses, I received 2 from Gordon, he’d obviously forgotten the earlier one!

As I looked around, just one smashed glass on the floor, the air steamy, young couples snogging, embracing each other tightly, reaffirming their love for each other, I started to well up with emotion. I made a snap decision to leave and at just 3 minutes past midnight, I slipped out of the pub without saying goodbye to anyone. Just like Cinderella but with no desire to leave a trace, I just wanted to disappear.

As I walked back home I felt joy, my new found freedom, the fresh air, the sky full of brightly coloured fireworks exploding across the night sky. My pace turned into a skip and once inside my house, still warm from the fire I’d lit earlier, I relaxed. Jools Holland’s Hootenanny filled me with happiness, the spectacle, the talented musicians, the celebrities making their plans for the new year, so very reassuring.

Returning home was the best part of my new year solo experiment. I learned so much. Yes, it's OK to go to a pub on your own but not on New Year's Eve. You need to be with people who love you, who get you. New Year is the time to be with friends and family so that when you sing Auld Lang Syne together, you truly want to see those people again soon.

Happy New Year to you all.

What did you do for New Year? Were you with people or on your own?

#MyPrelovedLife : 6/1/20

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Two Year Anniversary Since Steve Died

In some ways, it seems like only yesterday that Steve passed away, at other times it feels like a lifetime ago.

To mark the 2 year anniversary this year I planned a journey to Azerbaijan to visit my son, Ryan. He wanted me to have a special treat, so we drove for 4 hours up into the mountains to a ski resort called Shahdag. When we arrived at the Pik Palace late at night, it was dark, it was also the eve of the anniversary of Steve’s passing.

The next morning the sky was grey, there was snow in the air, and a strange fog like mist swirled around the resort. Perhaps the right atmosphere for such a day.

Anniversaries can be full of joy or pain, depending on the occasion. But as this day wore on I could feel my sadness growing. I went for a walk. Ryan was skiing, I was so pleased that he was doing something he loved.

I crunched through the snow, then the snow started to gently fall. I decided to record a video clip, but as I began to speak I could feel my voice wavering, “I miss you Steve Marsden, I love you Steve”.

That was it, I couldn’t hold back the tears. I was overwhelmed. By the time I got into the lift my face was wet with tears. Back in the safety of my own room, I sobbed and sobbed. How is it possible that Steve is no longer with me, a man so strong so full of life so full of kindness and compassion?

When Ryan got back from skiing, he called me. I told him I was feeling sad. Without hesitation he came straight into my room, we had adjoining doors and gave me the biggest and strongest hug ever.

He suggested I get a massage, at first I didn’t want to but decided taking action is always best in these circumstances. I arranged a reflexology session which turned into a full leg massage. I booked a male masseur and found his touch soothing and relaxing.

I was glad I made the effort. On this day we celebrated Ryan’s birthday too, eating pizza and drinking cocktails. By 10.00 pm we were back in the hotel, what a roller coaster of a day.

The next morning I woke up to sunlight shining through a gap in the heavy curtains, I pulled back the drapes and was blown away by the mountains covered in glinting snow with the bluest sky backdrop. What a difference a day makes, it was as if the mountains were showing me that change is inevitable.

This day was bright and full of promise. Ryan had the best skiing experience ever that morning. I walked through trees heavy with snow and as the bright sun shone down on these trees clumps of falling snow fell all around me, it was magical.

I’m back from Azerbaijan now, I’ve started a new job but I hope to have many more adventures to write about.

#MyPrelovedLife : 12/3/19

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Pop Up Shop for St Elizabeth's Hospice

I received a call from my local hospice asking if I could help a gentleman who’d just recently lost his wife sell her clothes. Chris, the wife, loved clothes and shoes and had a vast collection of designer bags, scarves, coats, jackets and dresses. Phil, the husband needed help promoting a pop-up shop he was opening with his 2 grandchildren. One of the town centre shops kindly donated free space to the family for one week over half-term.

I knew I could help. Preloved Chica (that’s me) has her own YouTube Channel with a loyal fan base. The first step was to visit Phil at home. I spent 2 hours filming clothes and shoes and yes, there was enough clothing to open a shop!

Chris had style and was an avid collector of top quality designer clothing. When I saw the mountain of wooden shoe trees it was obvious she'd really looked after her shoes. She’d also fold t-shirts inside out to stop them fading, as a result her clothes were immaculate and well loved.

As Phil was describing his wife's clothes, the stories came tumbling out, he explained where his wife liked to shop in Paris, the San Germaine district. He described the places they used to go, every dress had its story. I pictured Phil imagining his wife in her fine clothes as he held up each item for the camera. It’s clear that Phil is still wrapped in the arms of grief but as he was talking I felt sure that his family would appreciate his honesty and his love for Chris. His story is portrayed so movingly in this video.

As I pulled away from Phil’s house my eyes started to well up with tears. Chris had died in similar circumstances to my husband, in the same hospice where the care was outstanding. I was right back to the time I spent in the hospice kitchen where there are no boundaries between the relatives and staff who shared the same space. Many times I received welcome hugs from the volunteer staff who just seemed to know what to say and what to do.

I've done my very best to support Phil and his mission to leave a legacy for his 2 grandchildren. The profits from the sale of all the clothes will be split 50:50 between the hospice and the grandchildren.

It took me over 8 hours to produce this video. Phil's pleased with the result and I'm sure there will be a huge crowd on the first trading day of the Pop-Up shop. Phil will also be joining me on my Preloved Chica ICR Time Capsule show next Wednesday to tell his story.

Working together towards this good cause will help unite the family as they come to terms with their grief and of course, St Elizabeth’s Hospice will get the important funds they need to continue the outstanding work they do for the community.

Phil has invited me to take my pick of the clothes before they go on sale. I will ask for the black Bally handbag and whenever I use this bag I will be reminded of Phil and his wife Chris.

#MyPrelovedLife : 1/2/19

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Goodbye Red January Hello February

It was a strange start to the year, I poured my heart out in my last post posing rhetorical questions like " what am I doing with my life?" I think I have the answer, well at least for the next 6 months.

I was offered a part-time lecturing job at Suffolk New College after a successful interview. Before accepting the job I wrote down all the pros and cons and with the help from one of my sons I made the decision to take the job. I start the first week of March which gives me a full month to prepare lessons and get used to the idea of having a boss!

I was last in employment 18 years ago and I know it will feel strange but one of the main reasons I accepted the job was the need for more structure in my life. For the last 2 years, I’ve been like a butterfly flitting from one adventure to the next. Now I need a period of stability, a steady income will be a welcome relief too.

Once I get used to my new routine I will write more posts. Till then, wish me luck!

Yes, there were some rough patches in January but as I reflect back on my accomplishments, there were many. For example, Red January run by Suffolk Mind, an opportunity for everyone to be active each day in January. Apart from one day when I was sick, I managed on average 10,000 steps each day. I dusted off my old Fitbit and tracked my steps throughout the day. I walked more, sometimes I would trek into the town centre to buy food rather than hop in the car to visit the local supermarket. Being aware of my daily activities was a great motivator.

Many people have been doing Dry January or Damp January as some describe it. My son, Ryan and I have been completely dry, or arid since the 7th of January. We pledged not to drink alcohol for 30 days. Again this has been a fascinating experience. I’ve discovered Seedlip, a non-alcoholic gin-based drink which costs more than a bottle of cheap gin but is so delicious.

For the last 3 weeks, my Friday night ritual has been to take a special gin glass, pour a shot, or sometimes a double Seedlip, add ice, lemon and a generous helping of aromatic Fever Tree tonic curled up in front of the fire watching an episode of the Vikings.

On my nights out at my local pub, the Duke, I discovered San Miguel 0% alcohol beer. The taste is good and after your third one, you begin to feel slightly tipsy, all in the mind of course.

Remember the 10 week Jaffa running course we signed up for? Richard and I have been going for 4 weeks now. One week it was too cold to run on the track, it had frozen so we had to run on the grass instead, even harder work. I didn’t fully appreciate we’d be outside for the entire class. We have to warm up first by doing silly walks across the pitch. That’s the hardest bit for me as it takes me a while to warm up but after a series of walks and runs, it’s an exhilarating feeling and satisfying to expire white plumes of breath as you run. We always end with a cool down and as we walk back to the car we talk about the hearty meal that's waiting for us back home.

I wonder what February will have in store for me? On the 28th February it’s the 2 year anniversary of Steve’s death. Where has the time gone? Have I really been living without him for that length of time?

How’s your January been?

#MyPrelovedLife : 1/2/19

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Happy Uncertain New Year

I had the most wonderful time over the festivities, one of my sons said it was the best Christmas he'd ever had. My 2 sons live abroad but stayed with me for over 2 weeks. Along with my son who lives in Ipswich we spent quality time together, eating, drinking listening to music and playing backgammon.

I didn’t buy them material gifts this year instead, I bought them all experiences.

Ryan went on a knife making course at a Colbert Forge in Suffolk. He was so proud of the knife he made.

Lyle had a morning at the Dove Street Recording Studios. He wrote a song the night before the session and in the morning he performed and recorded it.

I enrolled Richard on the 10-week Jaffa running course. They guarantee you’ll be running 30 minutes non-stop by the end of the course. I'm running with him for moral support and so far he’s enjoying it.

It’s the first full week of January and my last visitor flew out of the country on Tuesday. I feel there’s a huge gap in my life. For the last 2 years I’ve been keeping myself busy, travelling, taking on new projects but now I feel directionless. It’s not an altogether bad feeling because I do have options, working in Sicily, spending time in Japan, developing my YouTube Channel and there’s a possibility that I might get part-time work.

I want to make sure that what I choose is right for me. I’ve had an interview today for a part-time teaching job, I think it went well. If I get offered the job, my next stage will be to accept or reject.

I want to continue travelling, that costs money but will my wings be clipped?

It’s lovely to have options and for that I am grateful. I wish I could ask Steve what I should do.

#MyPrelovedLife : 24/1/19

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Inspiring Books

I picked up Shine by Andy Cope and Gavin Oates at Stansted airport in June en-route to Sardinia.

My copy is now rather dog-eared because I took it everywhere with me, the beach, the restaurants, the bars. Whenever I had 5 minutes to spare I read one of the short chapters. It’s full of humour and strategies on how to live a full life. I remember reading the chapter called That Wee Piece of Magic, explaining how we’ve lost the childlike art of playfulness. The writers pose questions like when did you last play with a cardboard box?

Not exactly relevant but I’m reminded of the time my 28 year old son jumped out of a cardboard box to surprise me on my birthday. It was such an emotional time in so many ways, just a few days before my husband was diagnosed with cancer

I was reading on the beach at Giardini Naxos, when I looked up to see 4 children with beach towels tied around their necks like capes, jumping off upturned boats, racing around like superheroes. I’d just witness the perfect demonstration of let’s pretend play that children enjoy so much. The authors ask, When did you decide that today was the day you decided to stop playing, to stop approaching everyday situations with playfulness, creativity and joy?

It’s a wonderfully simple, fun and thought-provoking book to read. I still think about many of the ideas in this book.

My 4 favourite ideas

1. See the things that happen to you as interesting plot twists, weave them into the story of your life rather than talk about the disaster, the dramas that turn you into one of life’s victims

2. There are only 3 things important for a healthy life, to eat well, move more and sleep enough

3. Put on your shine tinted spectacles and see the world bathed in a clear shiny light

4. Don’t half-ass anything, always use your full ass

Give it a Try

For the price of 3 Starbucks coffees, I’d recommend Shine. I’m sure you’ll get something from it. What’s your favourite book that makes you feel all warm and glowing inside?

#MyPrelovedLife : 24/12/18

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