When Life Goes in a New Direction

Imagine my surprise on returning from Thailand to find a  phone message from the Assistant Producer of ITV News. She wanted to talk to me about my Airbnb experiences.  They’d found one of my Preloved Life posts on Google.

You can read that original post here which describes my first nightmare Airbnb guest's and their Sex and Haribo adventures.

I must say that experience almost put me off Airbnb entirely and my plan before flying to South East Asia was to take down my Preloved Life website. I felt it had served its purpose and that it was time to move on.

But I ran out of time, preparing a long haul trip is always frantic. Because ITV News was interested in my story I decided maybe others might too, so I’ve decided to keep my site active. That ITV News phone call has changed the direction of my life.

After a telephone interview with India, the Assistant Producer, a date was fixed for the film crew to visit my home. It was Wednesday last week when Emma, the Producer and India her cameraman and assistant arrived at my place. The equipment they brought with them was staggering, the biggest camera I’ve ever seen, tripod stands with tree trunk size legs and LED lights so bright you could light up a football stadium.

The film crew was with me for 6 hours. I couldn’t imagine why it would take that long but it did. First, my living room was transformed into a studio so that a full 30-minute interview under those bright lights could be filmed. Next up the producers organised cutaway footage of me making beds. I’ve never had to make and remake a bed 10 times. The cameraman moved around the attic filming every imaginable angle including closeup hand shots of me smoothing the sheets!

The hours of film will be edited and condensed down to a 4 minute ITV News news story to be aired on Thursday 30th January 2020, highlighting the growing Airbnb economy, including both the positives and negatives of Airbnb hosting.

I was surprised the crew wanted to come with me to Ipswich Community Radio Station. I have a weekly show broadcasting live from 1.00 pm every Wednesday. It’s like the BBC Desert Island Discs show, one guest and 4 songs. My guest was Neil Greenwood from Morning Gloryville, he was delighted to get extra publicity for his sober raves company. 

It was all action at the studio, they filmed the sound checks, the mixing desk and my interview with Neil. You can listen to the replay here on Mixcloud.

I’ve been an Airbnb host for 2 years now but I also provide Airbnb Experiences. For 2 hours you can come shopping with me around my favourite local charity shops. The film crew was keen to join me on a trip to one of my favourite charity shops, St Elizabeth’s Hospice Charity Shop, Holywells Road. It was a flying visit, I had to walk in, browse the racks of clothes and look at myself in the mirror, not once but many times. Filming is a painstaking process! I’m so delighted St Elizabeths Hospice will receive national coverage for the great work they do. 

A race back to mine to film Neil who was staying as my Airbnb guest. The light was fading so the filming took place in my garden, Neil and I sat at my garden bench, drinking tea and chatting. My first break all day, I really enjoyed my conversation with Neil about his early morning raves.

For the last hour the film crew took pictures of my home, the piano, my noticeboard in the kitchen, some pictures of Steve and I.

At 4.30 pm we all jumped into a taxi to catch the train to London, I was travelling onto a funeral in Wales. The next day the film crew would be repeating the entire process again, this time on location in Brighton filming more Airbnb hosts.

As a result of renewed interest in my blog, I’ve decided to keep writing but with a new emphasis on my Solo Life. I was looking for a new direction in 2020, it looks like I’ve found one.

I’d welcome any ideas or experiences you think I should try  as a solo adventurer.

Add your comments below. Thanks for reading, until next time  

#MyPrelovedLife : 13/1/20

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NLP - Great Strategies For Change

Steve was a huge fan of NLP, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, an approach to communication, personal development and psychotherapy created by Richard Bandler and John Grinder in California in the 1970s.

Steve was an NLP Master Practitioner. He ran an NLP MeetUp group in Ipswich for 10 years. He lived and breathed the principles and helped so many people to live fuller lives by freely sharing his NLP knowledge.

In 2001, for Christmas, Steve bought me a 20-day NLP Practitioners course in London, it was a remarkable present. Ian McDermott was the lead trainer on the course. Ian's book called NLP, The Fundamentals provides an excellent overview if you’d like to learn more.

NLP changed my life because after the first module, all about well-formed outcomes and goal setting, I decided to leave my secure teaching job to set up in business.

NLP has always in the back of my mind and when Steve died I decided to retake the course. I knew it would be a good way to be close to him and at the same time pick up strategies for dealing with grief.

Many of the newest NLP training courses include an element of Neuroscience which I'm also interested in. With a 30% discount for existing practitioners and 4 days of Neuroscience I knew I had to sign up.

For 3 days every month last Autumn, I went up to London for training. The course was excellent and engaging. We were given extra long lunches to get to know people and to talk over what we'd learned. I made some amazing new friends, an extra benefit.

The Meta Mirror is still one of my favourite strategies. I had a concern about one of my family members and it really helped me see the issue from her perspective and to look back on how I could behave differently in light of that experience. I loved the work we did on our Other Than Conscious Mind. It’s when you get to talk to those parts of you that are deep within but control your thoughts and actions. Even now if I’m unsure what to do I’ll just ask. It sounds a bit wacky but it works for me.

Give it a Try

Every year there’s an NLP conference where you get to meet lots of trainers, practitioners and schools offering courses. If you’re interested in finding out more about NLP, I would recommend this conference as a good place to start.

I studied with ITS, International Teaching Seminars https://itsnlp.com/

Have you ever attended an NLP workshop? Was it useful?

#MyPrelovedLife : 7/12/18

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How Journaling Saved Me

My friend, Nicki, gave me my first journal in February 2017. I’d never written in a journal before. Within a month I’d filled it with writing about Steve’s death, his wake at the Duke of York pub where he lay in his cardboard bee motif coffin, his amazing woodland burial in Wrabness conducted by my sister-in-law, a Baptist minister by day but who delivered a perfect Humanist service in keeping with Steve’s non-religious beliefs. There was so much to write about, so much grief to off load.

I started the second journal straight away and this time I wrote about my first healing trip to Sardinia. The third and fourth journals were stuffed full of notes from my 60-day journey halfway around the world. I had lots of time to write especially when I was on the 7 day Trans –Siberian train from Beijing to Moscow.

Whilst on the train I listened to an Audible book by Gabrielle Bernstein, The Universe Has Your Back. I found it very inspiring and wrote deeply profound messages to myself during those long days travelling across Siberia.

Here’s an extract from my journal dated 18th August 2017. It's a set of instructions I wrote to me!

Feel the love of those all around you

Plan your next adventure

Walk along the beach in meditation and stillness, feel whole

Share your love as much as you can

Take heed to love yourself even more

Be the shining light you are already, polish your diamond within, polish each facet and see the light bounce off the walls as you walk through time

Lean towards parallel universes where loved ones still exist

Time, as we know it, is not important, the energy that’s around us is all that matters

Bathe in it, you are not alone and never have been

You know the world differently now

You know everyone is the same

There’s more goodness than darkness

Kindness is all around

Appreciate that kindness, that love and reflect it back to the people you meet along the way

I’m surprised I wrote this. I don’t recognise this as my writing. It’s amazing how grief can manifest itself in such creative ways.

Keeping a diary-style journal has helped in other ways too. I had a limiting belief, “I have a terrible memory”. The truth was that my husband was the one with the powerful memory for life’s details and that suited me. But I decided it was time to tackle this unhelpful belief.

My strategy was to keep track of everything I was doing. I write in my journal every day. Sometimes that’s not possible so I have a catch-up session looking back at the week. I’m always amazed at how much I do, how many wonderful people I meet. When I look back at my notes I’m very grateful that my life is full of incredible experiences.

I’m on journal #9 now, I don’t think I’ll ever give up because I find it so therapeutic. When I went to Sicily I kept an art based journal and for 3 weeks I covered the pages with Brusho paint, I made collages, I even included a few sketches. I completed the final page of this journal when I was waiting for my plane to leave Catania airport, there was a delay of 60 minutes. Instead of feeling fed up with the delay, I was delighted with the extra time I had to finish the final page of my sketchbook.

Give it a Try

Try keeping a diary for 21 days. They say if you do something for 21 days, you’ll form a habit which will be easier to sustain. Consider using an A4 sketch pad to keep notes. The main thing is to start. I’ve heard so many stories about people buying beautiful notebooks and feeling too intimidated to write in them. Your writing, your words don’t have to be perfect, after all, they’re just for you.

Have you ever kept a journal? Are you still journaling today? I’d love to hear your experiences

#MyPrelovedLife : 5/11/18

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Moscow, End of the Line

The one thing travelling has taught me is ditch any preconceived ideas you might have. I was slightly apprehensive about visiting Moscow, my money belt was tightly fixed to my body and I wondered whether it would be safe to walk out at night alone. It was completely safe and I found people went out of their way to help. Only this morning I was studying a street map and an older gentleman asked if he could help and yesterday a young man gave up his seat for me on the Metro, such courtesy.

The 2 things that will stick in my memory of Moscow are it’s churches and the Metro.

On Sunday I went to a Russian Orthodox church service, a small church called the Nativity of Putinki. Painted white on the outside with bright azure blue domes and golden spires, such a picture up against the blue skies of Moscow. It was also ornate inside, real candles flickering everywhere. This would be seen as too much of a fire hazard at home.

The gold icon paintings, the mosaics, the priest all in white proudly wearing his tall hat, but best of all the Russian male singers, so uplifting. The congregation stood throughout the service and all the women wore headscarves. I felt bare and decided to put on my sunhat, my own way of showing respect. I had no way of following the service which was all in Russian but when I left the church at the end of the service, I felt a sense of peace.

And now for the Metro. I went on a tour with 36 other people, guided by a young Siberian women whose enthusiasm for the Moscow Metro was contagious. She took us to 7 of the best, the art deco designs, the gold ceiling mosaics, depicting the might of Russia, the stained glass murals, the marble tiles, the 36 pairs of larger than life bronze statue which are lucky if you touch certain parts like the dogs nose, the lady’s breast, just take your breath away. The Metro is clean, and efficient too, the trains run every 2 minutes and the most impressive thing is that there are no fare zones so you can travel anywhere for 55 roubles that’s just £0.70. The lines run from 5.30 am till 1.00 am. I know I didn’t travel late at night but whenever I boarded a train I felt safe. Russian people are proud of their underground railway and I can see why. I learnt a bit of history too, when Khrushchev came to power, he made sure that all references to Stalin were removed from the stations and all images were either covered over or replaced with Lenin’s face. The process was known as De-Stalinization.

But the most practical tip from our guide which I put to good use as I muddled my way around Moscow was how to tell if you were going in the right direction, you hear on the tanoy a male voice going into the centre of Moscow and a woman’s voice if you’re coming from the centre.

I’ve now been travelling for 59 ½ days and it’s time to go home. Tomorrow I’ll fly back into Heathrow and pick up my life again.

It won’t be the same life, you don’t make this journey to the other side of the world without growing and developing an inner strength. Goodness knows I’ll need new resources as I face the rest of 2017.

Thank you Steve for being with me on this journey, you’ll always be my muse, my inspiration, my love.

#MyPrelovedLife
August 2017

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On Board the Trans Siberian Express

Sharing a compartment with another person makes a huge difference. I’m travelling first class which means you may have to share with one other person. Second class travel means you may share with 3 other people. So from Beijing to Irkutsh, a 3 day journey, I shared my compartment with a judo teacher from Exeter, she’d already travelled from Moscow through Mongolia to China and was on her return trip stopping off at various places including St Petersburg before catching the train back to Britain. We had some fun times together, especially when we invited fellow traveller Judy, an Australian Abba fan, her husband and the 2 young love birds from China in the next compartment to a karaoke singathon.

While I was in Tokyo, inspired by the Mumford and Sons I dreamed of singing This Train Is Bound for Glory on the Trans-Siberian. Apart from the missing guitarist my dream came true.

It’s pretty intense sharing a small space with some-one, a bit like camping but with a total stranger. Ruth described how in the early hours of the morning several hours outside Moscow, a huge Russian guy with a big beard entered her compartment and was to be her travelling bunk mate for the next 2 days. He turned out to be a lawyer and his wife and sister were in the compartment next door. Sharing with a strange man is not considered unusual.

Last night was my first night alone and I have to admit I was grateful that I didn’t get a surprise visit in the early hours of the morning from a new passenger.

When you share a small space you need to co-ordinate getting up in the morning and going to bed at night. Of course there are bed lights but you do need to learn how to live in harmony and we did. Ruth and I shared some intimate conversations about relationships and love. I was surprised about how quickly time flies on this train.

If you want to use the shower you have to book a time slot. You had to be careful not to spill water on the floor, my first shower was a disaster, the shower curtain was hanging off and by the time I stepped out of the shower, there were 2 inches of water on the floor. The male Provodnik, stern at the best of times, was even sterner looking when he saw the mess I’d made.

My favourite thing was the coal fired stove called a samova or hot water tank which you can use to make tea or coffee. My routine was to put a Green Tea bag in my flask in the morning and throughout the day i kept my flask topped up with boiling hot water. I also had 3 packets of Chinese pot noodles, bow shaped pieces of pasta with 3 sachets of dehydrated powders, I had no idea what was in each sachet.

The Provodnistas are the women who look after the carriage.  Our Russian Provodnista had short blond hair, spoke absolutely no English and walked around the carriage in her pink pyjamas as she cleande the train each day. But as soon as we pull into a station, the full uniform goes on and she becomes quite intimidating and super efficient. It must be the hat.

She would tell us how long we had at each stop, 5 minutes or sometimes as long as 30 minutes. You can’t go too far but at each stop I took a picture of one of the cranes I’d made to leave on the platform. At the stations there are small shops selling snacks, drinks and dubious greasy pasties. At one station I had a greasy donut stuffed with cabbage, the good news, it didn’t contain meat, the bad news, it was tasteless.

Something else to be aware of at each station, the toilets are locked. One night when I couldn’t sleep I got up, it was midnight, the train had stopped at Chita. In my pyjamas I walked up and down the platform listening to the engineer bang the train wheels with his hammers testing for cracks in the metal. The sound was beautiful like a percussion orchestra tuning up. I got a bit cold and boarded the train but I had to wait for another 20 minutes for the toilets to reopen. So planning your toilet breaks are essential.

The restaurant car changes depending on what country you’re passing through. Ruth and I went to the Chinese dining car, it was packed with people, all Chinese. First we were told it was closed, they showed us to a seat, then the chef said only one thing left but then let us chose what we wanted from the menu, confusing. That night we feasted on rice and chicken with green peppers in a black bean sauce, it was tasty. I’m planning to visit the Russian car tonight and will ask for vodka!

I bought vodka at one of the station stops , it was cheap about £4. I invited my neighbours, the Australian couple and Lil and Yeung from next door to join me for a vodka party. I showed them the video I’d made on the Great Wall and as the bottle was almost finished the conversation turned to marriage. I shared the story of my 39 happy years of marriage and presented them with my One Love photo.

A near disaster was averted at Omsk. A ten minute stop we were told so off we trooped to stretch our legs, take photos, place cranes etc. I called Judy over to have a quick look at the Russian Dolls, as she wants to buy a set for her daughter. The next thing Ruth notices they’re pulling up the steps, the train is about to leave. We had to run and jump onto the last carriage at the end of the train. The Provodnik was not happy, we said Sorry. He replied “NOT SORRY!!” We walked through the train like naughty children, through the restaurant car and tried the door handle which was stuck. We were trapped in the restaurant car, I can think of worse places, there was a bar there after all. The Provodnik was trapped with us too, he radioed for help and 15 minutes later we were released. We could see the funny side, he couldn’t, his impression of foreign travellers was confirmed.

For the last 3 days I’ve had the compartment to myself and I’m enjoying the space and independence. I had a lovely sleep last night and woke up refreshed. The train rocks you to sleep. I wonder how I’ll feel when I arrived in Moscow after 6 days of this rocking motion.

#MyPrelovedLife
August 2017

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My Beijing Life

I learnt so much about Shanghai from my Chinese friends but in Beijing I stayed with an English family and met lots of ex-pats from all over the world. This gave me a different perspective on Chinese life. Several women described the unreliable taxi drivers in Beijing who will often refuse to pick up or collect you if they don’t understand you.

For that reason I decided to book my own driver for my last 3 days in Beijing and it was such a good decision because I met Tom Dong, originally from Harpin. What an amazing guy full of stories of his life and family and great suggestions of places to visit.

Tom took me to the Great Wall of China, we left Beijing early at 7.30 am, for a 90 minute drive to Mutianyu. As we were approaching the wall it started to rain and visibility was poor. It didn’t matter because walking the wall for one hour one way and another hour back was an experience I’ll always remember despite the limited views, in fact the mist created its own surreal special atmosphere.

Tom, the perfect guide, bought my tickets, took me up in the cable car, photographed me ( the following day he presented me with a mirror frame photo of us both on the wall) one of my favourite pictures on my 60 day trip.

Just like my life now, I was on my own to walk the wall. It was harder than I’d expected so many steps to the towers and the walls themselves are not straight so you have to compensate for the slopes. Such a very humid, misty, rainy hot day but fortunately not too many people. I met a Chinese family who wanted to photograph me with their 2 children. From basic English I learnt that the dad owns a phone case manufacturing company and that business is not too good right now.

I love making contact with people.I noticed the interesting fauna on the walls, an unusual millipede and a beautiful black and pink moth too.

I was so glad I’ve experienced the Great Wall of China, so big that if you stretched it out you join New York to Los Angeles. As I came off the wall, I read a sign which said “ One who fails to reach the Great Wall is no hero” and later I saw an old photograph of David Cameron holding that same sign. So I join a growing band of world figureheads.

I had so many strange experiences in Beijing, a old musician played his oboe to me while I sang Auld Lang Syne in a park next to the Forbidden City, I forged friendships with 2 girls from South Africa who insisted I pay them a visit next year, I haggled in the Pearl Market and bought a pair of colourful “silk” pyjamas for £40 instead of £120, they turned out to be polyester! I do love them and will where them on the Trans-Siberian train. I went to the Beijing night food market and saw fried, scorpions, spiders, snakes, octopus, baby birds and lots more unidentifiable things. I played it safe and bought some deep fried cheese and nut brittle to take on the train to Russia.

But I guess the most incredible experience was the bicycle tour around the Hutongs with Clemance. Over 4 hours we cycled down narrow alleys full of scooters, people and bikes, not being a very good cyclist, I wobbled a lot. We went inside a hutong too, incredible small buildings with no toilets or showers, people have to visit the Public Toilets when they need the bathroom. People live most of the time in the streets playing majong, eating and chatting together. Loneliness doesn’t exist here like it does in the West.

Imagine crossing a motorway with 14 lanes of traffic and turning left into the road that runs parallel with Tienanmen Square, well that’s what our group of 8 cyclists did. I’ll never forget that feeling of exhilaration and down right panic as Clemance said stick closely to me. We all survived but one of our group was knocked off her bike by a scooter driving too close. She was OK and more worried that the Peking Duck she’d just bought from a street vendor that was now spread over the road.

I enjoyed the ex pat experience of Beijing but more than that I enjoyed spending time with Tom Dong especially as he introduced me to Beijing’s one and only Second Hand Charity organisation called Roundabout.

#MyPrelovedLife
July 2017

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Shanghai Friends and Culture

Professor Zhang, Steve’s good friend treated my like royalty whilst I was in Shanghai. He picked me up from the Shanghai International Port at the start of my 5 day tour and took me by taxi to Shanghai Railway Station at the end of my stay. I didn’t pay for my hotel, a 5* star king sized room at the Crowne Plazza, not one metro ride, not one drink, not one taxi ride, not one meal, not one snack, not one visitor attraction entrance fee, I wasn’t allowed to pay for anything!

Every guide I had was organised and paid for by Professor Zhang. I can’t find the words to express my thanks here, so much generosity by this man who will forever have a special place in my heart.

Straight from the boat, I was whisked off to Fudan University where computer science students and colleagues respectfully listened to a presentation I gave on “How to Present Effectively”. I had 5 minutes to slip on a smart dress, brush my hair before facing the class. It’s amazing to think that just an hour before I’d been sailing up the river from Japan to Shanghai, on that slow boat to China. The students seemed to enjoy my talk and when Professor Zhang paid me, I was over the moon.

That first night it was a quick turn around back at the hotel, I had 15 minutes to unpack, freshen up a bit and join Professor Wu Jie, his family and Professor Zhang and his wife. No time for a shower, just a bit of lippy. We had a meal together in a fancy restaurant with our own private dining room, a large round table with a spinning centre. I can’t remember too much about the food, I was feeling very tired, I still had a touch of sea legs but I do remember the food was delicious and that the wine and beer flowed particularly well.

For the next 3 days, I visited so many places including the Financial District of Shanghai with it’s tall buildings. I loved the Oriental Pearl Tower, glowing pink with it’s 11 spheres which is said to represent a poem about the sprinkling sound of pearls, big and small falling on a jade plate. It’s even more spectacular at night, so much bling.

The skyscraper we chose to climb was the Shanghai Financial Center Building, once owned by a Japanese company, fascinating to see remnants of Japanese culture, all the lift attendants bow to you as the doors close.

We eagerly waited for our lift to the 100th floor, the countdown had begun. As the lift doors shut everyone became still, my ears popped and as we stepped out of the lift I wasn’t sure how I’d cope with the glass floors directly overlooking the traffic down below but it turned out to be easier than I thought. Watching people nonchalantly taking selfies with the Shanghai river snaking behind gave me strength.

It was just 3 days later that Professor Zhang and I walked along the Bund, the opposite side of the river  and saw all those tall building all lit up like Christmas trees. I think Shanghai is the most beautiful city I’ve ever seen at night, the lights, the illuminated river cruisers, paddle steamers and thousands of people milling around is such a strong memory. The Bund or ( Band) as it’s pronounced in Chinese was built by European designers, especially British architects, in fact one building houses the Chinese equivalent of Big Ben but I thought the half hour chime was quite wimpy compared to London’s booming Big Ben.

Another highlight was walking around the grounds of Fudan University with it’s impressive new East and West buildings built only a few years ago to celebrate the university’s centenary year. Fudan has 30,000 students, over 1200 professors and 500 foreign staff members and is one of China’s top universities. I wonder if I’ll ever get the chance to teach at Fudan.

We had lunch at the students’ canteen, a massive building with 30 plus food stations offering everything from noodles, tofu, chicken, pork, beef dishes as well as pizza if you wanted European style food. I ate rice, tofu, green peppers and my favourite fried aubergine and all with chopsticks. I am definitely improving, a matter of necessity as many places I’ve visited just didn’t have forks.

I’ve really enjoyed spending time with my new Chinese family friends, the mature twelve year old Yue Yue aka Paul and his super cool mother Shuncheng and the Wu family with 2 of the most well behaved delightful boys I’ve ever met, William, aged 8 and Jason aged 4. They both play the piano and in fact William took his Grade 5 exam the morning we all went out on a trip to Zhujiajiao, the canal town described as Shanghai’s Venice.

Paul was a fantastic guide, his English was spot on, when we visited the Shanghai Museum he told me why the dome is circular, to represent Heaven and the base is square to represent Earth. He was full of stories, eager to practice his English but also keen to learn about my life. We talked about the flowers that grow in our gardens, we talked about the music we liked. Thanks to Paul I’ve now got a new favourite song, “See you Again” by Charlie Puth. We spent hours together in a comfortable 7 seater car travelling to Sozhou, sharing our music via blue tooth. Paul, currently a student in one of the top High Schools in Shanghai and who’s dad works for the government, is destined for great things, I’m sure. What a pleasure to spend 2 days with him.

My time with the Wu family at Zhujiajiao was a special day too, we took a gondola down the river, we had our feet cleaned by fish in tanks which was so relaxing after walking around in the heat. Jason couldn’t resist putting his hands in the tank to catch the fish, not the idea really, if you remain still the fish will nibble all the dead skin cells leaving your feet wonderfully smooth. The two boys were interested in everything, especially fascinated by the parrot on the perch in a temple door way.

I loved the bamboo gardens at Kenzi and the 72 year old man, born in the year of the Rooster, the same year as San San, Williams mother and I. We watched him cut out a rooster using just a pair of sharp scissors and a piece of red paper. Wu Jie bought me a larger paper cut rooster and sweet William, in his softly spoken voice, told me in perfect English that he was going to buy me a fan with his pocket money. I felt choked up, such a practical gift too on a very hot day. In fact although the temperatures were not as hot today, just 35 degrees, it felt so much hotter in the canal town, probably because of the narrow streets with small shops absorbing the heat from weeks of unusually high temperatures in Shanghai. I don’t think I’ve ever sweated so much in one day.

I just have to describe the food I ate, the Squirrel Shaped Mandarin fish was good, covered in an orange sauce, you get the whole fish head but it’s easy to eat because the spines of battered fish can be picked off with chopsticks. I didn’t like the puffer fish dish, 4 inch globs of brown “flesh” that Professor Wu Jie insisted I try. I ate a bit, not sure what bit, I was too squeamish to eat more. But how fascinating to watch William tuck into his puffer fish with gusto.

I loved the green bread crumbed tofu, not sure what made it green but it was tasty. I loved eating the chewy sweet dumplings too, but the tasteless milky white soup with tiny white fish gets a thumbs down from me.

Thank you Professor Zhang for making my trip to China so wonderful. I love Shanghai  forever, a city full of culture, friendship and fascinating food.

#MyPrelovedLife
July 2017

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All At Sea

My Home for the Next 3 Days

Taking a boat trip, especially when there’s only a few dozen passengers on board, is like going on a meditation retreat. You have so much time to yourself but if you want company it’s there.
I don’t have all the statistics about the Xinjianzhen, it’s a ferry boat operated by the China-Japan International Ferry Co Ltd. All I know is that I’m in Special Class on the top deck, I have my own cabin with a shower and toilet. When I saw my living quarters I was so very happy and in this space I’ve finished writing my blogs and brought my journal up to date, almost full now. Thanks Lyn Clarke for your special gift.
 
Leaving Osaka was sad, Lyle took me to the ferry terminal before flying off on holiday with Sumire to Okinawa, the Japanese version of Hawaii, only better I’m sure! 😉

We waved vigorously, I cried a bit, we smiled and blew kisses as the ship sailed out of the harbour. For the next few hours I contemplated my situation sailing to China, I shed lots of tears because Steve and I were supposed to take this ferry together. I remember he told me about all the tiny islands around Japan and I was blown away by the beauty of the views that were all around me..
 
It was warm, no hot it was hot with a beautiful breeze, the inland waters were calm, the sun set was breath-taking. It just wasn’t possible to feel sorry for myself for long surrounded by all this beauty.
 
And then I met Nobuhisa who only happens to be a Baptist lay preacher. A Japanese man heading to China for an 8 day trip to Harpin. He’d lost his wife to cancer 2 years ago and although he didn’t speak a huge amount of English, we shared a similar path. We spent many hours just sitting, watching the waves, trying to spot flying fish ( I saw 2) looking up at the shooting stars, while he quietly sang Japanese songs to me. So sweet.

During the day it was too hot to spend long periods on deck but sitting in the sun being bathed by the hot wind whilst watching other boats go by was very therapeutic, and of course there’s regular calls for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The first lunch I sat alone and struggled to order from the menu but after that I shared a table with Nobuhisa and a few beers too. He told me he enjoyed a bottle of Kirin, the 5% Japanese beer and wasn’t keen on the weaker Chinese beer, only 3%. I was so moved when he sang a Japanese hymn to me to the tune of Danny Boy.

On the second day we’d left the inland Japanese sea with all its islands and impressive bridges and we were now truly at sea, the East China sea and it got a bit choppy. I never felt really sick and if the rocking got too strong, I just imagined I was swinging in my hammock in the garden and that helped.

The people you meet on board ship, a young Australian couple who live in China but had to travel to Japan to get their visas renewed. They live in the heart of the Chinese countryside where they’re learning Kung Fu, I had an invite to go visit them and then I met Shenrong and her 4 year old daughter, her special gift because she didn’t think she’d be able to have any children. On the first day, she could see I was upset, I told her about my husband and she hugged me, we’d hardly spoken but she showed so much kindness and compassion.  During my travels I’ve held onto the idea from Jane Murray’s Peacebeams, when you look at people say “Just Like Me” This is so true

So what do a people do for entertainment onboard a ferry? They sing Karaoke at the bar. On the first night, I asked for Hey Jude and belted out the song without embarrassment. The next night my 2 new friends joined me. Shenrong told me that Chinese people believe that singing is good for the health and even the TV screens tell you how many calories you’ve burnt with each song. We laughed and enjoyed each others company. I wish I could speak more languages, crazy having to rely on people to speak English.
 
I only have a few hours now before arriving in Shanghai, I plan to pack and go on deck as we draw closer to the city. I’m sure China is going to be completely mind-blowing experience but I’m ready. The crossing has been cathartic.

#MyPrelovedLife
July 2017

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Miyajima, The Most Photogenic Place on Earth

The day after our peace park trip, we took a 30 minute boat trip to Miyajima, picking up the ferry from the hotel jetty. Miyajama is one of the most beautiful Shinto shrines in the world because of the bright vermillion coloured torii that rises out of the sea. The shrine itself appears to float on the water and because it was high tide I was able to take some awesome photographs.

While we were giving thanks at the Prayer Hall, we witnessed a Shinto wedding, the beautiful bride all in white and looking like an film extra from Star Wars, the sake drinking, the hand maidens, the drumming, the haunting flute all captivated us and despite the searing heat, Lyle and I watched the whole 30 minute ceremony. We were enchanted.

We spent 7 ½ hours on the island, photographing the deer, so tame and everywhere, they even stand patiently outside shops waiting for them to open. I bought some deer poop flavoured ice-cream too. It was nice, little brown pellets of chocolate covered crunchy biscuit balls.

After visiting the shrine, watching the wedding and tucking into cold udon noodles dipped in soy sauce with ginger and chopped onions we took the Sky Rope cable car ride up to the top of  Mount Misen, 535 metres high.

The first car took a maximum of 6 people and was like an oven, lasting 10 minutes, I felt sick. The next car to the summit took 30 people and wasn’t quite so claustrophic despite being packed with people. The views over the bay were spectacular, even though it was hazy,

We were expecting it to be breezy and slightly cooler at the top, if anything it was hotter. I backed out of the 1 hour circular summit walk and went to the café for a cold drink, leaving Lyle to explore.

On the way back to the cable cars, the air was full of the sound of crickets and birds and we saw hornets buzzing around. It was at this point we thought our sticky ice cold peach flavoured shaved ice might not be such a good idea.

After the quickest exit off the mountain, I bought a hat from a Japanese lady who was the spitting image of Joanna Lumley. I love it in Japan when the shop keepers reward you by offering you ice-cold water.

The only thing we didn’t have time to do was visit the cat café. JoJo, my friend back home would love this place. Over a coffee you get to interact with the cats that wander freely. I guess if you give them treats you’ll get even more cat visits. Next time I visit Japan, I’ll go visit one.

#MyPrelovedLife
July 2017

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My Pilgrimage to Hiroshima

2 years ago Steve visited Hiroshima, he was impressed with how the city has been totally rebuilt after the bombing, he also told me he was moved to tears by the Peace Museum. Steve had planned to take me there this year and I’m so grateful that Lyle organised a 4 day trip to Hiroshima for us in his memory.

In just over 4 hours the super-fast bullet train from Tokyo arrived at Hiroshima. Our hotel had such lovely views across the bay. What impressed me the most from our 16th floor room was the tiny peaked mountain island in the bay, so very Japanese and the boats gliding across the misty calm waters, so relaxing to watch.

From our room we could also see the hotel swimming pool which I was banned from using because of my tattoos, I offered to cover them but the hotel receptionist refused to give me a pool pass. Never mind, I went to the hotel’s onsen instead that very night and covered my tattoos with 3 plasters. I don’t think anyone noticed, it was 11.00 pm not many people were taking an onsen. The idea behind an onsen, or public bathing, is that you wash yourself thoroughly over a low sink, sitting on a small stool and when you’re completing clean, you bath in a communal pool. One of the pools was outside and at midnight with the air temperatures still at 27 degrees, it’s quite an experience, soft brown lighting illuminating the waters. Such a relaxing thing to do after an incredibly busy day.

There are so many things to see at the Peace Memorial Park, the Peace Gates, enshrined with the words PEACE in 47 languages, the Peace Flame that will burn until all nuclear weapons are abolished, the Children’s Peace Monument with the statue of Sasaki Sadako lifting up a folded paper crane. She believed that if she folded 1000 cranes she would cure herself of the effects of radiation, sadly she died before she finished making the cranes. As a sign of respect, every day people bring paper cranes from all over Japan and the rest of the world to this monument, I brought one too.

But the place where I cried was the Peace Memorial Museum, I felt so upset, I had to leave the exhibition, compose myself and return. It was the stories written in the children’s diaries that touched me. One particular page came from a young girl who described the chores she’d carried out that morning, sweeping, looking after her brother, her page was decorated with flowers and patterns she’d drawn. So full of promise. And yes, there were children’s and baby clothes on display covered in blood and sometimes streaked with the black radiated rain that fell from the skies after the initial blast.

So many lives destroyed instantly but the accounts of the injuries and the suffering that continued long after the bomb was detonated were difficult to read. The exhibition was full of hard facts about the science of nuclear weapons too. There was also a display highlighting the peace treaties and plans to rid the world of nuclear weapons by 2020. Not sure how likely that’s going to be, especially with the news from North Korea this week about their nuclear tests.

What do you do after spending 2 hours at the Peace Memorial Park? It’s a tough one, our mood was flat but we were both hungry and thankfully we stumbled upon Hondori, an area I’m certain Steve visited, ordered ice cold beers and enjoyed a plate full of fried tempura.

#MyPrelovedLife
July 2017

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Shinto Mountain High

What a weekend, such a special time with Sumire’s parents, Yuko and Takehiko.

We left the heat of Tokyo and travelled by train to Sumire’s home town, Ashikaga, famous for its Spring time Flower Festival. They have a lovely house, full of art, much of it painted by Takehiko who’s an art lecturer at one of the top Tokyo universities. It wasn’t long before Lyle and Sumire were playing on Yuko’s beautiful family Yamaha piano.

That first night we cooked food together, shared music and got to know each other. The next day we drove up high up into the mountains. The air temperature was a refreshing 25 degrees, so very green and tranquil.

Lots of people were visiting Nikko’s famous shrine, one of the most ornate in Japan, decorated with gold leaf but Takehiko took us to a place away from the crowds where we could enjoy nature’s beauty, the majestic pine trees, streams and smaller shrines. I found this quote and think it explains the essence of this place.

Shinto, Japan’s traditional religion was born from an existing primitive form of religion that worshipped nature. The ancient people of Japan honoured sacred spirits that they recognised in nature, manifesting in mountains, rocks, rivers and trees.

At the entrance to one shrine, the Japanese gate or Torii had a hole in the centre. If you can throw a stone through the middle it will bring you good fortune. I was determined and after lots of attempts the silence was shattered with my cries of delight.

Later on we went onto the main temple full of colour, gold and riches but my heart remained in that quieter place that I know Steve would have loved so much.

Over that weekend in the mountains we did so many wonderful things, we stayed in an Onsen Resort at Kai Kawaji, had the most incredible 7 course meal, enjoyed a communal foot onsen, soaked our tired feet in the hottest water from the  nearby hot springs. During our stay, we lit paper sparklers at night, we ground beans to coat mochi or gooey rice cakes, we bathed outside at midnight in rock pools, Japanese onsens are strictly unisex. After our relaxing onsen we fell onto the most comfortable low bed on a raised platform for the deepest sleep ever.

And if that experience wasn’t enough, the next day we piled into canoe boats big enough for 30 people and rode the rapids for 40 minutes down the river with our oarsman guiding us through the river gorge. It was hot, very hot but at times we were allowed to dangle our arms in the water. I wish I’d brought my water proof fan that Lyle and Sumire had bought me.

We staggered out of the river canoe boats, up a huge flight of steps and at the top we were greeted by vendors selling all kinds of treats, sardines baking over hot coals but my favourite was the shaved ice sweetened with matcha tea, lemon and peach syrup, so refreshing.

I had an amazing time in the mountains, totally organised and paid for by the Kikuchi family. How do you repay such kindness? Impossible. I feel so honoured to have spent quality time with such a lovely family.

#MyPrelovedLife
July 2017

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My Japanese Life

Lyle and Sumire live on the 11th floor of an apartment block at the end of the Nambuko metro line. When I arrived late Sunday evening I was just too tired to appreciate the convenience of their location, just a 5 minute walk to Shimo Station where they can both take the fast metro line into the centre of Tokyo to work.

Lyle’s previous commute involved the Ginza line where the train guards literally push passengers onto the train, it’s that crowded.

The next morning I was left to my own devices as both my hosts had to go to work. I enjoyed exploring their space, which is small so being tidy is essential. It’s no wonder Marie Kondo’s best selling title, the Magic of Tidying was so successful here in Japan.

I was most impressed with their gadgets including their washing machine which weighs your clothes before telling you how much washing liquid to use. Sumire hangs the washing on circular hangers, fascinating to watch them spin around and with the air temperature right now in Tokyo at 32 degrees, clothes dry fast. I also loved their wall mounted screen so when someone rings the door bell, you can see the visitor on the mini TV and even talk to them!

On the ground floor, close to where people park their bikes is the waste room. So organised, huge bins, one for plastic, one for bottles, one for burnable rubbish. So tidy, no smell and spotlessly clean. Just like my impression of Japan.

That first day I decided visit one of Tokyo’s famous gardens, Rikugien. I could see the high walls of the park but couldn’t work out how to get in. I had to walk the perimeter of the garden’s high wall to find the way in but I was determined. It was on this walk that the Japanese mosquitoes found me and took great delight in feasting on Welsh blood. The Azeri and Dubai bugs weren’t interested but here in Tokyo, the insects were super excited. I really couldn’t believe it especially as I wasn’t near any water. But thank goodness for the station pharmacist who with just sign language and the word mosquito, sold me some mosquito patches to ease the pain and itchiness. They worked like a miracle, I wore them for 4 days and had none of the discomfort I normally get from insect bites.

I’ve really enjoyed my first week in Japan. I’ve been cooking meals for Lyle and Sumire so they can relax when they get home from work. I’ve only had a few disasters, like buying what I thought was coconut milk for a Thai curry which turned out to be a can of weird cubes of transparent chewy coconut jelly! And being sold sparkling water when I’d asked for tonic.

My mistakes are the best bit of my Japanese life.

Sayonara for now.

#MyPrelovedLife

July 2017

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Mindfulness and Meditation- The Covid Silver Lining

This Summer I came across a book called Search Inside Yourself, The Unexpected Path to Achieving Success, Happiness ( and World Peace!) by Chade Meng Tan. This book changed my life. It was so easy to read, I read it twice within just 3 weeks. At the end of the book, I discovered you could take a Search Inside Yourself course and that the organisation, SIYLI was running online Zoom training courses this year, due to the Covid Pandemic. I signed up straight away. The course started on September 16th and was 12 hours long, spread over three 4 hour sessions. The fact that I met over 70 participants from all over the world, added to the charm of this course.

What’s included in a Search Inside Yourself program? Here’s the blurb from their website

“Transformational experiences backed by world experts in neuroscience, mindfulness and emotional intelligence”

And that’s exactly what my experience was. After the second session, I decided to resign from my IT tutor job at the local college because I knew in my heart that wasn’t my path. I completed a value-based exercise and knew straight away I wanted to share the knowledge I’d gained from this course to help other people become more mindful through meditation practices. I felt liberated and scared at the same time. For 4 weeks I’ve been developing a brand new course to share with people who are looking for new ways to cope during Pandemic Lockdowns, 

The course is now ready and I’ve teamed up with Suffolk New College to offer Search Inside Yourself as part of their Leisure Learning programme. The course starts on 24th November and will run for 3 weeks.

I’d love your support.

If this pilot proves successful there will be more events to follow.

#MyPrelovedLife : 4/11/20

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My Covid Life in 38 Gratitudes

I wanted a record of things I’d achieved, experiences I’d had, things I was grateful for during the 2020 Lockdown. Here’s the results of my musings.

1. Plenty of Zoom meetings, some of them with family, some with girlfriends, some with my yoga friends some on my own. I remember I dressed up, it was the first Saturday of the Lockdown and I invited friends to join me, nobody came. I still enjoyed myself dancing around drinking sparkling water. That was when Zoom parties were still a novelty.

2. I knitted 3 pairs of finger-less gloves, I haven’t sewn them up yet.

3. I used my 60-year-old Singer sewing machine for the first time to take the hem up on my kaftan, bought in Dubai 3 years ago, 6 inches too long. Don’t look too closely at the stitching but it works and it’s now wearable.

4. In the early weeks when Zoom was new to many people I ran free training sessions on how to use Zoom. I worked with fitness instructors, artists and Jazz musicians. Now of course everyone is running successful Zoom meetings including my Baptist Minister Sister-in-law. She uses Zoom for all her church services.

5. I was given a mixing desk and professional microphone so I could broadcast my Preloved Chica Time Capsule show live from my home studio.

6. I ran a Marathon in May for Papworth Trust, 10 runs, 2.6 miles each, raising almost £200 just by adding a Facebook DONATE button to one of my posts. I think people were keen to support worthy causes. During the Lockdown, I’ve added 3 Facebook Donate buttons and raised hundreds of £s

7. With co-presenter Stephen Spencer we broadcasted 27 Corona Virus update ICR radio shows, 2 each week for 14 weeks supporting people in the community with the latest updates and local news

8. 2 very special men came into my life.

9. I tuned into Dr. Laurie Santos’ Happiness Lab and discovered her key take away was if you can help others you will feel better.

10. Greeting people I meet whilst out running with a huge smile and a Good Morning has made such a difference and if you’ve read the poem Smile, you’ll know smiling is contagious

11. I’ve now completed the 8-mile circuit around Alton Water 5 times, mostly on Sundays with my son, Jake who’s following Stu Mittleman’s Slow Burn Running technique.

12. I’ve had the chance to practice the Stoic Reframe technique when my computer hard-drive crashed and died. You say to yourself, “we’ll at least its not……” There are so many things I could fill in the blank with. I’m so grateful for good health.

13. I discovered Monty Don’s Gardeners World, the most relaxing TV show out there. From those gardens, I’ve found a new love for roses, especially Damask roses which smell like Turkish Delight.

14. During the Lockdown I received 2 bouquets of deep red roses which stayed fresh for over 2 weeks

15. I arranged a Zoom meeting with neighbours to watch the One World Together At Home. They were eating piping hot Nachos with melted cheese. I made a comment saying how lovely they looked, the next thing my lovely neighbour brings me a bowl of hot nachos to my doorstep.

16. I had a refund for my trip to Japan, now rescheduled for Easter 2021

17. A fox has made 3 visits to my garden and on one occasion at 8 am, the fox walked up my side lane and strutted down the main road outside my house, bold as brass. I think we’re all witnessing a new kind of bolder nature

18. Street “parties” with 2 groups of neighbours, every week providing structure and consistency to my Lockdown weeks

19. The online yoga classes from Ekhart Yoga, especially the 7 Chakra workouts. I’ve completed the entire 8-part playlist this week creating my a home-based retreat.

20. A bottle of Don Pappa rum from the Philippines which I drink neat, with no mixers, no ice. The flavours are incredible, a wonderful gift from Ryan.

21. Ryan also sent me 12 bottles of super wine from The Fugitive Motel in London, a very enterprising company delivering wine to individuals to prevent stock going out of date. The wine was delicious!

22. I completed a piece of art inspired by Grayson Perry’s Artclub. I had 5 previous attempts at making something I could hang on my wall and the very last piece of work turned into something magical that is now framed and hanging on my wall.

23. I made a batch of Kimchi with my son. It’s a very therapeutic thing to do as you have to squeeze the vegetables with salt until they become soft. The kitchen smelled so lovely too and Kimchi, fermented vegetables is so good for you.

24. I joined Joanne’s Beltane festival live from her Glastonbury garden via Zoom. The bonfire had its own camera and went the fire was lit, it exploded into flames, very impressive to see. There were 8 of us on the Zoom call, all raising a glass to the Summer months

25. Sometimes running 2.6 miles just before our live Corona Virus Update shows, cutting it fine but feeling energised and full of endorphins before going live at 11.00 am.

26. Visiting the allotment and seeing how the gourds were growing. Many of the courgettes have become marrows but the perennial Goji Berry bush, native to the Tibetan mountains continues to thrive and produce sweet red berries for another year.

27. Tidied up my garden shed, it’s easier to find things now, including my garden seats! Thank you, Tony, for all your help.

28. I went stargazing at Dunwich Heath, a beautiful new moon night sky with shiny stars. I lay on a blanket and watched several shooting stars fly across the sky.

29. Getting pulled over by the Police and breathalysed on my way back from stargazing, of course I tested negative. Thank goodness I didn’t bring a hip flask!

30. Making time to condition my hair with my blend of olive oil, avocado and egg. I left the concoction on for an hour in the sun, my hair was rock hard, fortunately, it washed off and my hair was very soft and shiny for a few days

31. I loved watching the National Theatre’s YouTube live video performance of A Street Car Named Desire, starring Gillian Anderson. It was 3 hours long so I watched it over 2 days. It really did feel like a theatre experience.

32. I organised a garden party for my birthday and invited a select group of just 12 people. I booked Matt White from the Emulsions to do an acoustic set, it was truly wonderful. I made cards for all my guests so that they could have a physical memento to take home as well as the wonderful memories of the evening.

33. I took a yoga balance workshop with Andrew Wrenn and as I wobbled on my mat I couldn’t stop laughing out loud at myself. I’ve never laughed in a yoga class before.

34. Made a guest appearance on 2 radio shows, Rendlesham Community Radio and Felixstowe Radio, I was very pleased to be asked to talk about my passion for secondhand clothes

35. My son bought me a make-over and photoshoot for my birthday. I felt very special and loved the photos that were taken.

36. I picked up the first Emperor book by Conn Iggulden in a telephone box in Holbrook over Easter, read it and loved the book so much I had to buy the other 4 books in the series. I love reading about the life of Julius Caesar, the battle tactics, and political intrigue. I’m completely wrapped up in Roman History which has been a wonderful escapism

37. I’ve found a free meditation training course from Google, called Search Inside Yourself, and would love to teach others to learn the basic skills of meditation, perhaps my next vocation.

38. I wore a pair of false eyelashes for the first time in my life, thanks to my birthday makeup artist. I managed to keep the lashes on for the entire day. I did have to ask a friend to pull them off before bed. Ouch!

I’d love to hear about your Lockdown experiences, do leave your comments below

#MyPrelovedLife : 10/7/20

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Running for Emotional Health in Covid Times

I’ve never considered myself a runner but perhaps it’s time to review this. Before the Lockdown I was running intermittently, there was no pattern or commitment and I could only run about 1 mile.

But everything changed at the start of the Lockdown when the Government was encouraging us to take outside exercise once a day. So that’s when I decided to take up running as a hobby. It was strange running through the empty streets, it was like a ghost town, no people, no cars on the roads, no long waits for the traffic to clear before crossing the road. From that first run, it felt good to move, to fill my lungs with fresh air, uncontaminated with petrol fumes. This was going to work for me.

My first jog was on 24/3, from then on I ran most days, just a mile and a half and usually along the Ipswich Waterfront. After 21 runs in March and April, I decided to step it up for May and came up with the idea of running a Marathon, 2.6 miles a day for 10 runs. I had another reason to run too, Jo Revitt from the Papworth Trust was looking for people to raise money for her charity.

So that’s what I did. Some days it was a struggle to run, I felt like I was as slow as a snail, that extra mile was a challenge. The very last 2.6 miles was so different, I had a spring in my step, I ran faster than normal and I even managed to raise £136 for the Papworth Trust. Thanks to everyone who supported me.

It’s now 12 weeks since the Lockdown and the Government has lifted some restrictions so that we can now exercise as many times as we want during the day. But that’s coincided with fewer runs, Marathon Burnout!!

But on Sunday I went out with my son on a Slow Burn 8 mile run around Alton Waters.

I’ve walked around the reservoir many times getting blisters on my feet. But the Slow Burn run didn't hurt my feet at all, I felt invigorated after running using this method. This is how it works, you walk 15 minutes, you run 15 minutes, you walk 15 minutes, you run 30 minutes, you walk 15 minutes, you run 45 minutes and you run slowly but you always keep moving.

Stu Mittleman, the creator of this method, is the man who ran 1000 miles in less than 12 days and holds the American record for distance in six days — 577 miles.

I love Stu’s mantra

Focus on results and you won’t change. Focus on change and you’ll get results

When you run slow you burn fat, when you run fast you burn carbohydrates. My son has read Stu Mittleman’s book, Slow Burn and while we were running he shared anecdotes from the book, like imagine there's an invisible thread running through your spine to the top of your head, keeping you upright.

Just before we started the timer for the 45-minute run, I felt a sense of dread. I’ve never run for that long before. I managed to push those negative thoughts out of my mind and began the longest run of my life. And yes, we both did it!

Reflecting on that experience out in nature for over 2 hours, with cool but dry weather, lush green vegetation, scents in the air from pine trees, thyme plants and white hawthorn bushes, was a wonderful adventure. We both enjoyed the practice so much that we plan to run around the reservoir next week. Could this turn into a weekly habit?

I am so glad I can run. It’s therapy, it’s physically rewarding, it's free and it’s always available. Running helps with overwhelming emotions too. Yesterday I was collecting songs for my radio show, 2 of my husband's friends sent me songs that he’d always enjoyed. I decided to lay on my back with my earphones turned up listening to Nantucket Sleighride by Mountain. It’s a long track over 9 minutes long and as the guitar solo kicked in I started crying, missing my husband so much, he died 3 years ago now but the pain is still there. With tears pouring down my face, I got up and decided to go for a run even though I had things to do later that evening, they could wait.

I'm so glad I took action, running was what my body and mind needed right then. It was wonderful, I felt like I was running past the emotion, leaving it behind. I was in charge of my life and by the time I arrived home, I felt tired but glowing. Running is brilliant for state change work, a lifesaver. I’m so happy I have running in my life.

Let me know what you have in your life that can lift your spirits, especially during these crazy Covid times.

#MyPrelovedLife : 12/6/20

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Music In Covid19 Times

I took a course on how to be a radio presenter 2 years ago and up until the Lockdown I’d been broadcasting a weekly Time Capsule Show where a guest picks 4 pieces of music and we chat about their choices. As the music plays out so their life story unfolds. It’s one of the best things I’ve done in my life. It’s been an honour to share people's stories and be introduced to great new music.

When the Lockdown was announced our community radio station, Ipswich Community Radio (ICR) was shut but thanks to Martin Webby, one of the ICR Directors, I was provided with the equipment to broadcast live from home. I was given a mixer, a studio-quality microphone, and after 3 hours of technical support from our Tech Guru, Daniel Moore, I was up and running.

Yes, there have been plenty of technical issues, like the time I sounded like a dying Dalek but my philosophy has always been to plough on regardless and not to take myself too seriously, after all, it’s not the BBC! Mistakes do happen, even when I was in the studio I've been known to sing along to tracks with the mic turned on!

The station is still shut but I’m now broadcasting 3 times a week from home, the 2 extra shows are Corona Virus updates for residents to hear local news and find out what remarkable things people in the community are doing. I co-present with Stephen Spencer, our styles are complimentary but like me he’s calm in a crisis!

Some of the people we’ve interviewed include Crystal Stanley, who's up for an award from the Queen for her Rainbow Trail Facebook initiative, Gavin Walker, a Security Guard working throughout Lockdown with vulnerable young people and Jules Button from the Woodbridge Emporium who sends out Book Hugs to NHS staff. I’m hoping our biweekly shows provides support to those in the community and that we might in some way brighten up peoples' days.

My Time Capsule show has morphed during the Lockdown. I don't have a guest anymore, I broadcast solo. One week I played lots of sad love songs. I've even created a Spotify Playlist called Loving in the Time Of Covid. Another week I shared dance songs with a warm-up and cool-down song to begin and end the show. Last week I invited friends to share one piece of music they love and to tell me why. This week I’m going to try broadcasting live to Facebook at the same time as being on FM Radio. I'll invite people to jump onto my live radio show. It could be a total disaster but worth exploring.

Live radio is edgy but always fun and ticks some of the boxes suggested by Ryan Ramsey, a Submarine Captain on how to survive isolation during the Lockdown. 

1. Routine - Find one and stick to it

2. Cleaning – Don’t let standards slip

3. Downtime-Make time for yourself, avoid too much news and reduce anxiety

4. Conflict- Find a way to de-escalate

5. Communicate – Call people as a way to socialise

I like these tips, routine being the most important one for me. What ways of coping have you found helpful during these last 2 months? I'd love to hear from you.

#MyPrelovedLife : 27/5/20

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My Life in Covid 19 Times

It's now been 4 weeks since the Lockdown. It’s amazing how I've become used to this new norm but I find myself doing things I’ve not done for decades and things I’ve never done before.

Take last weekend when I cleaned my upstairs and downstairs blinds. A fiddly job that took hours but living in this house on my own gives me the feeling that I have endless time on my hands. I’ve been baking too, 2 batches of rock cakes and a bakestone of Welsh cakes.

I’m cooking differently, using up whatever is in the fridge, I throw very little away now. Everything feels more precious somehow, I don't want to take anything for granted.

In the first week of Lockdown, I started showing people how to use Zoom, fitness instructors, artists, musicians. It was something I could do. I felt like I was making a difference. I recorded YouTube videos too, one has had almost 500 views.

4 weeks on and everyone knows how to use Zoom now. Innovative virtual parties are springing up everywhere, pub quizzes, book readings, music concerts and fitness classes. I even took part in the Morning Gloryville sober virtual rave on Saturday morning with 1000 other ravers.

I’m back on the radio too, twice a week Stephen Spencer and I broadcast a Corona Virus Special. Our first show was in the ICR studios but several days after that first show the Government told us not to leave our homes apart from essential food shopping and one hour of exercise each day. But that hasn't stopped our public broadcasting. I was lent a mixing desk and a studio mic and after hours of remote IT support, I’m now streaming to the airwaves from my studio at home, sometimes I'll even do a live Zoom to Facebook stream.

Yes, I’ve been doing crazy things, I took part in a wonderful collaboration with friends around the world connecting Moscow to Thailand to Hong Kong to Trinidad to Ipswich!!! We made a #DONTRUSHCHALLENGE video. A huge thank you to Margo Fifa for her production and video editing skills.

And if you want to find out more about the Don’t Rush Challenge going viral during the Lockdown, read this https://www.teenvogue.com/story/dont-rush-challenge-creator

We’ve been told to stay at home to protect our NHS, to help stop the spread of the virus which has turned our lives upside down. Colleges and schools are closed, restaurants, pubs are empty, only essential services are operating.

Many people are now working from home, impossible for many especially those in retail and service industries like hairdressers. How crazy when we need our hairdressers more than ever at the moment. Many families have discovered barbers in their midst with some impressive haircuts being shared online.

My fellow presenter Stephen is broadcasting from his boat at Ipswich Marina. We always have plenty to talk about including updates from our local council and social initiatives to help others in the community. This week we interviewed Ezra Hewing from Suffolk MIND to talk about the help available for those who are suffering mentally during these hard times. Loneliness and isolation can be very debilitating. We humans are sociable creatures we like to gather with friends when we’re happy and get support from others when we’re unhappy so having to self-isolate is tough.

The radio broadcasts, now 3 times each week give my life structure and meaning. I hope I'm sharing useful information for those stuck at home. Stephen and I have good rapport despite having to cope with technology that's often challenging.

The other routine in my life is running, I go out most days only just over a mile and a slow one at that but it feels good to exercise. There's no waiting to cross the roads because there’s no traffic, the air smells fresher too. I plan to keep running after the Lockdown as well as meditating every day.

My Medication Waking Up app is telling me I’ve completed an 19-day continuous streak! Being at home alone is sometimes hard, the long Friday and Saturday nights when I get back from a run and its only 5.30 pm and I wonder what I’ll do for the next 6 hours is difficult!

I’ve tried different things, I’ve been on a virtual date night, dressing up for the occasion, enjoying a couple of glasses of red wine plus great conversation for 2 hours, I’ve watched movies, I’ve painted a rainbow for my window inspired by Crystal Stanley’s Rainbow Trail Facebook group.

I’ve attempted a jigsaw puzzle of a beautiful field of lavender with lots of blue skies. This didn't work for me, I thought I'd experience a deep sense of peace as I laid out the 1000 pieces. Within half an hour of sorting out all the flat-edged pieces but within half an hour I was frustrated. This was a difficult puzzle and instead of relaxation, I felt tense. It’s now back in the box and I’ve offered it to friends on Facebook. I was surprised at how many people were interested. I wish I had 10 jigsaws to give away.

More routines in my week include drinking a glass of wine on Zoom with my yoga friends, a weekly family Zoom meeting primarily for my tech-savvy 89-year-old mother in law who loves seeing her grandchildren who live around the world and every Sunday afternoon I meet my neighbours at the front of our houses. Yes, more wine is involved in this gathering too!!.

It's great to see people, we kept our 2 metres social distance but seeing people face to face is a real treat. The weather has been so very pleasant since the Lockdown.

So now we wait for another 2 weeks to see if any restrictions will be relaxed. I think we may experience more problems as we take those first steps back out into the world, let’s see.

In the meantime, nature carries on regardless. This sunflower seed in a pot in my garden is pushing its way out of the soil, driving upwards, full of purpose and direction.

Nature, my inspiration.

Are you living on your own? What strategies have you found helpful?

#MyPrelovedLife : 24/4/20

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Musings on a Walk in Nature

On Sunday I decided I needed to go out for a stroll. I’ve walked the Fynn Valley before and had every confidence I’d find my way around the 7-mile circular walk. I set off at a pace carrying my phone, earplugs, debit card and lippy in a jacket pocket.

I was keen to see plants, trees and wildlife. I heard plenty of birds in the hedgerows, I even saw a hawk circling in the sky and as I inhaled deeply I feel a surge of excitement. Times are strange right now with the news full of warnings about the serious Corona-virus pandemic. So I thought I could escape from the worries of crowded places full of germs by walking in the countryside. And then I came across 3 kissing gates with latches!

In the middle of the Suffolk countryside, I had to open these gates with my hands! My next thought was don’t touch your face. Apparently, it’s a built-in human response to touch our faces, it comforts us. There’s evidence to suggest we may touch our faces 16 times every hour.

I considered the likelihood of infected people going out for a long walk and leaving traces of the Corona-virus on kissing gates. Slim, I thought. I had more pressing concerns, I’d been out for 2 hours and realised that I’d walked passed the same white land-rover and a couple walking 5 dogs twice. I must have walked around in circles and not even realised I'd strayed from the main route.

Now I pondered whether it was best to plot a course and stick to it or enjoy the thrill of meandering around. I remembered as a child I was terrified of getting lost, straying off the path. But for the last few years, I’ve been doing just that, gravitating towards new experiences coming my way.

This inspiring video came to mind, recorded on prom seats at the Snape Maltings Concert Hall, Show of Hands singing acapella “Keep Hauling”.

Once I realised I was lost, I pulled out my phone and checked Google. Now I knew which direction I needed to take, I was hoping my feet would hold up as I had a blister forming. This was the first time that afternoon I’d used my phone. I'd decided to concentrate on the sounds of nature rather than feed my podcast addiction.

I was on the home straight, it was a windy day, my eyes were streaming from the weather. I must have looked a mess. In the distance, I could see 2 men walking together, maybe a father and son. As they came nearer, the younger man gave me the biggest smile and wave. That smile turned my afternoon around, it was like someone had given me a precious gift, I was determined to pass it on to the next person I met.

Coming up close, I saw a man with a teenage girl, I’d recognised them from another stretch of the path. As we got closer the man was holding a debit card, are you Elene Marsden? Did you drop your debit card? I had no idea I’d dropped it. I must have dropped my card when I’d taken out my phone to check my location.

I really couldn’t believe it, I’d got lost, I’d changed directions, what were the chances of having this second encounter with this couple? Some kind of ecstatic charge poured through my body. I bowed to them, of course, I couldn’t shake hands and thanked them profusely.

And that was my afternoon walk around the valley, so much had happened mild anxiety about being lost, tiredness from physical exercise and a renewed faith in humanity. As the world battles with the Corona-virus I know that there will much kindness to behold and with my glass completely full mentality that’s how I chose to see to view the next few months.
#MyPrelovedLife : 16/3/20

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The Magical Isle of Avalon

Diving Rods at Glastonbury Abbey. Thanks to Richard Mudhar for the photo

On the very last day of February 2020, I travelled 7 hours across the UK from Ipswich in the east to Glastonbury in the West Country. First I journeyed by train to London, then took an underground train to Hammersmith and from there picked up a Berry’s Coach to Taunton.

What an incredible 5-star service I had, comfy leather seats with plenty of room and friendly staff who served hot drinks and snacks at ridiculously cheap prices. It was like stepping back in time. On that journey, I met Colonel Bob Richardson-Aitken, a 79-year-old ex-military gentleman who’d lived most of his life in the far east, including Malaysia, Vietnam and Thailand. He was an experienced helicopter pilot but recently he’d been invited by a friend to Stonehenge where he’d been given a pair of divining rods which had worked surprisingly well. He told me that as an engineer he was embarrassed to admit that he had no idea why or how divination worked. It felt like my Glastonbury journey had begun on that coach ride.

After 2 hours chatting to the Colonel, I watched him get off the bus in the middle of the pitch-black countryside, somewhere near Codford, Wiltshire. I felt concerned for him until he explained that he was just a short walk from his local pub where he was going to meet friends for dinner. What an interesting character!

An hour later at 10.00 pm I was dropped off in the middle of Glastonbury’s High Street. It was raining, my friend wasn’t there. I felt slightly concerned as at that moment I realised I didn’t have my friend's address or phone number!. I walked across the road to shelter from the rain and started chatting to one of the bouncers outside the pub. This local lad told me to be careful in Glastonbury, “ Is it a dangerous place?” I asked. He replied, “ You've heard of League of Gentlemen! Just saying!"

Before I could enquire further, my friend Joanne arrived, whisking me away to her warm home where a blue Unity candle had been lit in my honour.

The Glastonbury Unity candle is used for ceremonies of all kinds and it even stands on the table of the monthly Town Council meetings. And so my Glastonbury experience continued to unfold.

During my 4 day stay there were so many highlights including lighting a candle for Steve at the Chalice Well. ( I can hardly believe he died 3 years ago ). Joanne gave me a tealight to bring back to Ipswich. She’d lit this candle from The Flame of Brigid, a continuously burning candle at the St Brigid’s Hermitage in Kildare. She told me to take my candle home and with it all my Glastonbury memories.

Glastonbury High Street

The day we walked up the Tor was my fondest memory, Joanne took me on one of her new Spiritual Walking Tours. Before we began we took our shoes off and placed our feet on the earth, intensely cold. We practised a breathing exercise given to her by a forest monk to help us connect with nature. My feet were tingling when I put my socks back on, alive with sensation. With glowing feet, we set off for the Tor but first, we stood next to an ancient oak tree and then lay on the ground, gazing at the blue sky. It was very liberating to just lay down on grass surrounded by nettles without a blanket and not worry about the damp ground beneath.

We visualised roots from our bodies reaching down into the earth, grounding us, connecting us. And then Joanne who is a Priestess of the Goddess on the Isle of Avalon asked me to turn over, lie face down on the grass to whisper a question I wanted answering. The answer came when I heard the sound of a plane overhead, ( surprisingly Joanne did not hear that plane) and when I saw a single magpie in the field, I felt I had my answer. The detail is not important but the experience was profound to me.

My reading with the Wisdom of Avalon Oracle Cards

We continued with our walk to the Tor, spending time at the Orchard of Avalon, reclining on aged apple trees soaking up the ancient Avalon tales before ascending the Tor via the Ceremonial Path. So many people have walked that path, with an elevation of 518 feet, it’s hard work. We walked with purpose placing each foot carefully as we climbed. The last few steps to the top were incredible, the wind gusted, strong enough to blow you over, certainly powerful enough to clear negative energies. We proceeded to walk around the Tower. In olden times there was a church on top of the Tor, some say it was destroyed by an earthquake, now all that remains is the roofless St Michael's Tower. From the Tor you can see for miles around, the Quantock Hills, the Mendips, the Somerset plains, 360 degrees of rolling countryside. It was breathtaking and my connection with the natural world was revived.

I’m back in Ipswich now but fully immersed in an Audible version of the Mists Of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley. Her descriptions of Avalon rising above the mists is pure magic and guides you to a world of myth, romance and valour. I feel so connected to this place as I listen to this epic 20-hour narration of the Tales of Avalon. I would highly recommend this book.

There are 2 springs in Glastonbury, the White Spring and the Red Spring or Chalice Well. We drank from both springs. The white spring water is full of calcium, the red spring contains iron and over the years has stained the Chalice Well a deep red colour. I found the red water tasted very metallic and was hard to drink but with the recommended 3:1 mix it was pleasant.

The White Spring is housed in an old Victorian Pump station, deep underground, dark, damp, water underfoot and lit only by candlelight. There’s a large round pool and a smaller deeper pool. As you walk down the stairs your eyes have to adjust to the darkness, signs at the entrance say no photography, the site is a holy place and people strip naked to bathe in the ice-cold waters.

While I was there, I was mesmerised by an Adonis figure, tall, slim with long hair tied up in a topknot and very naked. I watched in a trance as he dried himself in the flickering golden candlelight. Joanne wondered what had captured my interest!

We walked to the large pool, stepped onto the ledge and gazed into the water which resonates sound. Together we chanted 3 OMs. Somebody in one of the small chambers joined in with the deepest reverberating powerful chant I’ve ever heard. At first, I thought someone had turned on a CD player but there was no evidence of that. I saw a few people sitting quietly in the Brigid Temple area.

Could it have been one of them?

I will never know but the sound I heard that day will stay with me forever.

Glastonbury is a magical place. I’ve travelled extensively over the last few years and visited some incredible places but I would say if you ever get the chance, go to Glastonbury. It’s an enchanting place and for many of us, on our doorstep.

#MyPrelovedLife 10/3/20

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ITV Spent 6 Hours Filming My Airbnb Home

I started writing #MyPrelovedLife blog in September 2018, and by the end of 2019, I'd written over 50 stories about how I'd overcome the sadness of losing my lifelong partner to cancer after a 46 years loving relationship. After a year of writing, I decided it was time to let go and move on.

I'd planned to take down MyPrelovedLifee website, I felt it had run its course but I didn’t have time before going to Thailand last year. On my return from a fabulous 2 weeks in Phuket and Bangkok, I picked up a voice mail from the Assistant Producer from the ITV Tonight show. They'd found a blog post I'd written about how I'd signed up for Airbnb to earn an extra income and to combat loneliness. I was very excited that I'd shown up in their Google search. This was a sign, so I decided to continue writing. I'd already had feedback from people who'd told me my words had helped with their own bereavement.

I realised I had more to write, more people to help as I continued my journey as a solo adventurer.

I discussed the programme brief with the ITV Tonight researchers and confirmed that I'd be happy to take part in the show.

A date was set for the ITV film crew to spend the day with me, they spent 6 hours with me in total. They filmed in my home, they photographed my notice boards and family photos, they filmed me working on my computer. I would have tidied up a bit more if I'd known they'd be all over the house! The most painstaking part of the day was having to make the bed 10 times from different angles!!

They also interviewed one of my Airbnb guests, filmed me at the radio station where I have a weekly Time Capsule Interview Style Show and came along to St Elizabeth's Hospice Charity Shop where I spend a lot of time buying preloved clothes. I knew they would cut hours of footage but I was disappointed they didn’t include the Hospice Shop

Spending the day with the film crew was exhausting, yet somehow therapeutic, the film crew were genuinely interested in my story, their questions were always sensitive. I felt we bonded and all of us travelled back to London together, they were scheduled to repeat the entire filming process the next day with a family from Brighton who would tell a different Airbnb story.

I had no idea how I'd come across on the ITV Tonight programme and watched the news programme with bated breath as my 2 minutes of fame was aired live on National TV. It wasn't too embarrassing, I felt it was an accurate representation of why I became involved with Airbnb.

You can watch the programme "Airbnb- the True Cost" t" for 30 days on catch up. Overall the tone was quite negative of Airbnb apart from one glimmer of light coming from my success story.

Do I have any regrets taking part in this news story?

Not really. I had to deal with overpowering emotions while I watched my personal story laid out for all to see on National News but it was my decision to invite the film crew into my home. Having your blog picked up by national media has given me a boost and has convinced me to carry on writing.

So that's a good thing although I've changed my story slightly from managing grief to focusing more on my life as a solo adventurer highlighting my solo travel experiences.

I appreciate nothing is forever so I will just enjoy the next few months with a curious eye as life unfolds before me.

Thanks so much for reading my post

#MyPrelovedLife 21/2/20

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