I love New Year, I like setting my intentions for the coming year, sometimes I chose 3 words to represent the year. This year for 2020 I’ve chosen these words, connections, creativity and adventure.

What words would you choose?

I somehow knew it was going to be a strange New Year's Eve, my sons were all doing their own thing in different parts of the world, one had tickets for the Tropicana Club in Havana (that’s on my bucket list for sure). Some friends were staying home but I had this unshakeable desire to go to my local pub, the Duke, even if it meant going alone.

Could I do it?

As soon as there's a challenge, that’s it, I know I have to give it a go. I always get this excited feeling around New Year and this year was no different. I found my sparkliest dress to wear, I took extra care over my makeup and used my brightest red lipstick to complete my look. At the last minute, I decided to record a video describing my blog writing plans for the coming year.

Setting up the equipment took longer than I imagined, it felt like time was speeding up with just a few hours to go till midnight. I had to go, with no time to pack away my tripod and lights, I left everything and rushed up to the pub. As soon as I walked in I realised this wasn't going to be easy, there are New Year's Eve conventions, you go to the pub with your mates, your family. There were no other single women at the pub. I scanned the place, I saw only one person sitting on their own, someone I knew and who’d been at the pub a long time judging by how he slurred! I went over to say Hi, received a hug that was just too familiar and from which I had to pull away quickly before moving to the other side of the bar where Abby the DJ was playing a lively set.

I’d already decided not to drink much but I couldn’t resist a couple of glasses of Cwtch Gin, ( a lovely Welsh word that means a hug). Somehow everything was a reminder that I was on my own. My gin was served in a huge glass, with plenty of ice topped up with a bottle of Fever-tree tonic, so good.

When people have been drinking for hours, when shots of Sambuca are lined up on the bar in anticipation of the countdown to midnight, my discomfort started to grow. After some strong self-talk, I decided to throw myself into the dancing, I enjoyed dancing to Jump Around by House of Pain but as we got closer to midnight the music turned cheesy. Dancing Queen was the last straw, it was time to sit at the bar and act cool!

Connections is one of my 2020 words and that’s just what I did, I chatted to new people. There seemed to be more men than women, so it wasn’t long before I met Gordon, a sweet man, 56 years old, from Scotland and a wannabee singer-songwriter ( his words). I soon became part of his gang, his friends were the first to give me New Year kisses, I received 2 from Gordon, he’d obviously forgotten the earlier one!

As I looked around, just one smashed glass on the floor, the air steamy, young couples snogging, embracing each other tightly, reaffirming their love for each other, I started to well up with emotion. I made a snap decision to leave and at just 3 minutes past midnight, I slipped out of the pub without saying goodbye to anyone. Just like Cinderella but with no desire to leave a trace, I just wanted to disappear.

As I walked back home I felt joy, my new found freedom, the fresh air, the sky full of brightly coloured fireworks exploding across the night sky. My pace turned into a skip and once inside my house, still warm from the fire I’d lit earlier, I relaxed. Jools Holland’s Hootenanny filled me with happiness, the spectacle, the talented musicians, the celebrities making their plans for the new year, so very reassuring.

Returning home was the best part of my new year solo experiment. I learned so much. Yes, it's OK to go to a pub on your own but not on New Year's Eve. You need to be with people who love you, who get you. New Year is the time to be with friends and family so that when you sing Auld Lang Syne together, you truly want to see those people again soon.

Happy New Year to you all.

What did you do for New Year? Were you with people or on your own?

#MyPrelovedLife : 6/1/20